Unnamable, unplaceable
by allie34
Summary: Post endgame. JC. Every one has a past, even Janeway. Complete. Just gone through all the chapters and tried to patch up any fatal mistakes.
1. Better than

Welcome if you're a new reader, and welcome also to those that have already read and reviewed this story. I have gone through this entire story, and tried my best to alter stuff that was blindingly obviously wrong. There's nothing new, but the scenes from New Earth should now be much more accurate (well as accurate as I could make them), and there should be fewer sentences that don't make any sense.

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. It does not belong to me, however, the air does not belong to me and I still breathe it.   
  
Summary: It's a J/C, I promise, it's set just after the book 'the farther shore' which is the second part to 'home coming', which are set the moment the cameras stop filming on endgame. I've tried not to base this entirely on them, so you should be okay if you haven't read them.  
  
Note: This jumps from place to place, and there are new characters introduced, but it should all come together towards the end.  
  
The story:  
  
Chapter 1: 'better than Chakotay would ever know her'  
  
He didn't really have a name. He didn't need one; it changed so often, it was sometimes hard to keep track. He always tried to remember his name, just in case some one asked for it, but he had been caught out on several occasions and left people very confused.  
  
It was just the way he worked. People gave him names, Janeway and Kemp called him Paul, but called him something completely different to his face. Obi called him Jersey, as that was where they had met. StarFleet had given him a number. He'd forgotten what his mother had named him, after years of blocking out the memories. And in his mind, he called himself 'The Best'.  
  
"Starfleet really need to step up security," he muttered under his breath, as he glided easily through each computer system, each one revealing something new and disastrous. He was getting close.  
  
Sat in a dark room, the only light coming from the illuminated computer consoles, it was a wander he wasn't pale. But he did get out, sometimes.  
  
V  
  
She heard him enter the room, but didn't look up. She was trying her best to appear to be reading the report, but his eyes could be felt on her back, and she was finding it highly distracting.  
  
"Morning," he said, crossing the room. He should have guessed that she would be like this: not looking at him, not talking to him; he was losing her again.  
  
"Morning," her voice was blunt, and caused a shiver to run down his spine.  
  
"Kathryn," he started, but didn't really know what to say next. "Kathryn, don't do this." His voice wasn't as gentle and controlled as it was normally was, but sounded desperate and exhausted. Exhausted from the on going battle, and desperate not to lose her while they were so close.  
  
She didn't want to meet Chakotay's eyes; she knew the moment she did so, that she would lose, and Kathryn Janeway hated losing. Although this time, it was taking all her strength to stop herself from wanting to lose, and in a way, she had already lost.  
  
He was sitting opposite her with a mug of coffee, studying her face, trying to work her out. She discarded, putting it to one side, and put an elbow on the table, resting her head in her finger tips. All the time looking down.  
  
"Chakotay it wouldn't work," she said eventually, close to breaking.  
  
There was a pause. A very long pause.

Why didn't he say anything? Out of the corner of her eye she saw him slouch back into the seat opposite, his bare chest on full display, rising and falling with each breath. "Why not?" he asked eventually.  
  
Kathryn wanted to avoid an argument, knowing that if they argued she would say something regrettable, that would no doubt hurt him. And the last thing she wanted do, was to hurt him. But unknowingly that was exactly what she was doing by saying nothing at all.  
  
Chakotay wanted her to shout at him, he wanted her to give him all of the reasons why they couldn't be together. Any emotion was better than none at all, was better than denial.

She didn't allow her Captain's mask to slip though, she never did, instead she stood from the table, her back to him she said: "don't push this Chakotay" with a not of finality, and walked away from him.  
  
V  
  
One person that knew Janeway better than she knew herself though, better than Chakotay would ever know her, and probably better than anyone else in the entire universe, was Tad. Even though they hadn't seen each other in over seven years, he was adamant that he would still be able to read her like a book.  
  
"Name," the ensign asked him.  
  
"Satriani," he stated.  
  
"Satriani." the ensign looked up the civilian, waiting for a surname.  
  
"Yeah, that's right." He totally missed the point of the ensign's enquiry into his name.  
  
The ensign wrote down 'Satriani' onto the pad. It wasn't unusual for people leaving Cardassia or arriving, to want to keep their true identities secret. There were still a lot of anti-Cardassian feelings among the federation, and those helping to rebuild the planet were often seen as traitors.  
  
Tad was perfectly aware of how people saw him, and to be honest he didn't really care. He slung the shoulder strap of his bag over his head, and walked onto the transport ship.  
  
V  
  
"Join Starfleet," Kemp muttered under his breath, "see the universe," he muttered some more, marching down the clean, grey corridors of Starfleet. "I should have listened to my mother," he continued turning a corner and reaching a dead end. He twisted back around and marched in another direction.  
  
This was it. They really had crossed the line this time. He was going to throttle each and every one of them, one by one, and he was going to enjoy it. He had to warn Kathryn before they got to her, and destroyed her like they had done him.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" he was sure that this was Kathryn's apartment, he poked a head inside, yes it was her apartment.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" the man wearing only pants asked equally as furious.  
  
"What are you? a parrot?" Kemp pulled a face, "is Kathryn here?"  
  
Chakotay frowned, only her friends called her by her first name. He hadn't even ever heard Tuvok call her by the name Kathryn.  
  
"Alex, come in," they both turned to see Kathryn standing just outside her office door and then make her way down towards them. Kemp pushed his way passed Chakotay and into the apartment, as he walked passed the man he gave him a brief glare.  
  
"Chakotay, this is a friend of mine Alexander Kemp, Alex this is Chakotay." She was developing a headache; she didn't want the two of them to meet each other like this, and in a selfish way she didn't want them to meet at all.  
  
Chakotay took the hint and excused himself to go and get changed, walking into Kathryn's bedroom.  
  
Alex frowned, and looked after the closed door Chakotay had gone through. "Are you two...?" he pulled a face, which made her laugh.  
  
She sobered, "it's complicated," she explained.  
  
"Wasn't he your commander on voyager?" she nodded, and he finally sensed that she may not want to talk about it, so let the topic slip, she'd tell him when she felt like it. Right now there was a more important matter at hand. "Kathryn, what ever you do, don't teach at the academy!"  
  
V  
  
He wasn't sleeping easily, as he normally did. There was something wrong, he didn't know what. Something just didn't feel right. Chakotay didn't know what was wrong, but knew that it had something to do with Kathryn. But didn't it always.  
  
He woke up again with a start, this time what was bothering him was a little more clear, but still all messed up. He was on new earth with Kathryn, but his dreams had been messing with his memories, picking away at them, and inventing new parts. But the new parts seemed so real, so clear, and it had taken him to go back and read through his logs of that time to just make sure that he wasn't going mad.  
  
There was something missing though, although they were only dreams, not real, there was something missing, a link- but dreams didn't need to make sense he reasoned with himself. He lay on his back and closed his eyes, again falling back to sleep.  
  
V  
  
End of chapter 1.

Top of Form

Bottom of Form


	2. Interrogation

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. It does not belong to me, however, the air does not belong to me and I still breathe it.   
  
Note: There's a section just below that describes events before the first J/C scene, just to clear up any confusion.  
  
In answer to a review, and in response to another. No, there is not any J/C romance in the homecoming books, but they are together in the last scene. And agreeing with another review, yes the books are badly written, and the plot could be so much better, but she did get rid of the C/7 idea for us, and we should all be very thankful to her for that.  
  
V  
  
Chapter 2: Interrogation  
  
Voyager had been back four months, give or take, but they had been forced to remain on the ship for the first two weeks to debrief the crew and allow them to adjust to being back.  
  
The first seven weeks of being on earth had been one disaster after another. There had been an outbreak of a Borg virus infecting all those with weak immune systems, and voyager had been blamed. Janeway had been in and out of intelligence head quarters trying to convince them that Seven and Icheb had nothing to do with it, but they didn't listen to her, and kept the two of them locked up.  
  
The whole thing had been kept top secret. As it turned out it was one of the heads of Starfleet intelligence its self that had been at fault, and Seven and Icheb had been allowed to walk free.  
  
Janeway was trying to convince herself that it was getting over those stressful weeks that was getting to her. But she knew that it wasn't.  
  
Chakotay stood next to her, to gaze out of the window and at the city below them, draping his arm casually over her shoulders. They looked out in a comfortable silence at the lights below them. Towers of fairy lights stood against the black sky in a futile attempt to light it up. She put her arm round his waste, "you think it was worth it?" she asked him.  
  
He didn't answer straight away, to firstly collected his thoughts together. "Yes," he said eventually and with absolute certainty.  
  
They stood in silence a while longer. "Do you ever think of new earth?" he asked, breaching a topic which neither of them ever spoke of.  
  
She did, of course, but wouldn't say so. "Occasionally," she under exaggerated.  
  
"I don't think that I've ever seen you so a peace with yourself, as you were on new earth."  
  
What was he getting at? "Oh!?" the tone of her voice no longer soft.  
  
He didn't even know what he was getting at. She felt his body shift from behind her, before she knew what was going on he was standing in front of her, a hand resting gently on her waist, the other hand came up and tenderly tilted her chin up to his own face.  
  
"Chakotay," she breathed, moments before he leaned in and brushed against her lips. She returned the kiss, allowing his hands to explore her. Locked in an eternity he began to deepen the kiss, she wanted to go with him, but broke off, resting a hand on his upper arm.  
  
She looked away, not wanting to see his disappointment, "what's wrong," he asked gently, he was confused, she had begun to return the kiss, but broken away from his lips. He noticed that she hadn't broken away from his embrace, he loosened his arms around her, not wanting her to feel trapped by him.  
  
"I'm sorry," she looked up at him, so many memories flashing back. He lifted his hand to wipe a tear from her cheek. He was caught, not knowing what to do, at any moment she would reject him again, he didn't want to lose her. But he didn't want to push her away by rushing things, he leaned in again kissing her cheek, he felt her move her body closer into his, and so moved down onto her neck. That was where she lost.  
  
V  
  
For arguments sake he was called Paul. Although he didn't have a name. He needed a trigger, MRT usually required the subject to be exposed to a condition in which their minds began to redeveloped what they lost.  
  
The main problem with Janeway, he mused, was that she kept a very accurate personal log. It was how he had found out about it in the first place, and how he eventually found the trigger. But what really annoyed him was that he had to look beyond the words, and that had only given him half an idea, it was Chakotay's logs that had totally given it away. No, he took it back, Chakotay was her main problem.  
  
V  
  
He hadn't slept in days, he never did though when he was on transport ships, especially civilian ships. He had learnt the hard way thirteen years ago not to let your attention slip while travelling through space.  
  
It wasn't really Tad's fault what had happened. Well, that's what people told him anyway. But he blamed himself, he always did, he was that sort of person. Everything was his fault, that's why he went to Cardassia, that's why he would help anyone no matter who they were.  
  
He looked out the window to see the earth gradually grow bigger as he approached the destination. He would visit his grandmother first, he decided, then probably Kathryn if she wasn't too busy.  
  
V  
  
Alex Kemp marched into the classroom, he was really pissed off. He had been for a week now, Kathryn had tried to calm him down, but they had ended up arguing about something completely different, and hadn't spoken since.  
  
The room stood to attention. There were about forty cadets, he marched across the first line that stood like tree trunks in the middle of the room, looking at each cadet knowing that one of them was to blame.  
  
The door behind him opened and he looked around, a petit girl with long blond hair tied neatly back entered. Despite her short stature, she walked with an air of importance and confidence that made her seem much taller than she was. "Sorry I'm late Alex," she said, walking over to a desk.  
  
Some of the class smirked at the revelation of the admiral's first name. Alexander, however, didn't. "Why are you late?" he walked over to the young lady sitting on the desk.  
  
"I don't think that's any of your business!" she said loudly for the whole class to hear. Then she added, "my menstrual cycle has nothing to do with you!"  
  
At this most of the students laughed, except Icheb, who didn't understand why this was supposed to be funny. "Outside Felicity," Admiral Kemp shouted, and when she didn't move he added "now!"  
  
It was then that she got up from the desk and headed towards the exit, "I want to see you in my office," Alex stated as she left the room. He was certain that she had heard him and so proceeded with the interrogation.  
  
V  
  
That was a week ago, since they had made love. She had declared her love for him so freely that night, and then cringed at the way she had treated him afterwards. Why couldn't things be simple? She thought to herself. Again she tried to return to her work, but it was useless, all she could think of was Chakotay.  
  
Maybe she should call him. No, what would she say to him? He wouldn't want to talk to her anyway. So instead Kathryn got up from her desk to make herself another coffee, she had really got to finish her work.  
  
She had just poured herself another cup when the door chimed. She walked in the direction of the door to open it by hand, who would call at this hour?  
  
"Chakotay!" who else? Shock spread over her face, "your, you," she collected herself with a breath, something which had always amazed him, "what are you doing here?" her voice didn't sound as shocked, but it wasn't totally controlled.  
  
He stood in the doorway, arms hanging by his sides. "Can I come in?" he attempted a weak smile.  
  
Kathryn suddenly realised that she had been blocking the door way, and stood to one side allowing him to enter.  
  
The last time the two of them had spoken was the morning after they had made love, she had wanted to apologise then, for the way she was acting, but Alex had been there, and so he had just walked out of her apartment, with a simple 'bye'.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, as the door closed behind him, wanting to get things out into the open. "I shouldn't have let it go as far as it did."  
  
Always direct, to the point, she was trying to shake off what had happened, trying to convince herself that it wasn't something that she had wanted, something both of them had wanted. But she wasn't convincing any one and she knew it.  
  
"But it did," he stated, his voice calm. She turned round to face him, studying his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking, it was useless, he was perfecting his own captain's mask. "Can we talk?" He broke the tension that was mounting, they were already talking, but somehow the question relaxed the atmosphere.  
  
"Coffee?" she asked.

V

End of chapter 2.


	3. Friday

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. It does not belong to me, however, the sky does not belong to me and I still look at it.   
  
V  
  
Chapter 3: Friday  
  
Opportunity, opportunity, opportunity, the triple O to life. The only problem with waiting for opportunity, he thought to himself, was that you had to wait. He hated waiting, but over the years Paul had developed patience.  
  
Satriani? The name rang a bell, he sat back in his leather chair. He ran the name through a computer, it came up with several thousand people with the name, no, too many, he thought, and any way, he was stupid, but not that stupid. Then again, it might not even be him, it could just be an innocent civilian with the name, but for some reason he thought that he had heard it before, and his gut told him that this was the one.  
  
Music. "Computer, search data base for historical musicians with the name Satriani." The computer complied, no, still too many, it had come up with every one who had ever played, and or was playing a musical instrument in the past two thousand years that had been successfully documented. "Computer, narrow search to musicians of the," he paused in thought, then finished, "twentieth and twenty first century."  
  
Again the computer complied, and came up with a smaller list. "Narrow search to musicians," he thought, "guitarists. Narrow search to guitarists." He found what he was looking for.  
  
V  
  
They sat on the sofa, Kathryn took a sip of coffee, Chakotay traced his finger round the rim of his own cup.  
  
"You wanted to talk," she was still on duty, always on duty.  
  
"Why not?" he turned to her, "why wouldn't it work?"  
  
She hadn't expected him to confront her quite as quickly, but guessed that he would eventually. She could have given him endless excuses, and no doubt he would have counter argued each point, and she would have had to admit that he was right, as usual.  
  
Kathryn was not in the mood for arguing, it was late and she was tired. By habit she pinched the bridge of her nose in between her finger tips, and then rested that arm on the back of the sofa, turning to Chakotay. He waited patiently for her excuses, but quickly realised that she wasn't going to give him any. She had her reasons and she wasn't going to share them with him, he suddenly realised the amount of strain he was putting on her, the stress that he was causing her. He had promised that he would do everything he could to lighten her burden, and now he was doing the complete opposite.  
  
She looked into his eyes and saw the conflict and the love that he had for her. For a moment she forgot all the reasons she had fabricated for not having a relationship with him, and in that moment she realised how much she really loved him, and that if she lost him again she didn't know how she would be able to forgive herself.  
  
It was in her moment of weakness that she leaned in towards him. He didn't expect her to, but didn't pull back. She pushed a lose strand of hair back into place, and placed her palm against his cheek. She ran her thumb across his bottom lip, she knew exactly what she was doing to him; she knew exactly what he was thinking, feeling, and how easily she could have him. How easily she could give herself to him again.  
  
She brushed against his lips, and as the kiss continued she felt his hand come up her thigh and rest on her waist, he wasn't as full on as he had been the other night, he was holding back slightly, afraid that she would pull back and ask him to leave. Discarding him again.  
  
He felt her body shift away from his, and her lips left his, he looked up. She was standing in front of him, her hand in his, her arm extended, a gentle tug and he realised she wanted him to follow her. Not thinking straight, he stood up, and followed her as she walked across the living area. Suddenly he realised, she was taking him to her bedroom.  
  
"Kathryn," he stopped in the middle of the room.  
  
Still hand in hand, she turned to face him. She gave him a look that seemed to pierce straight through him, and made him feel weak to stop her. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, a softness, and tenderness that was new to him, but still, so familiar.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
She smiled openly at him and nodded, weakening him still further, he didn't want to stop her, he didn't have the power to stop her, not now. Giving in to her, he nodded, tomorrow he would probably be nothing to her again, but right now, he was everything.  
  
V  
  
"What kind of security breach?" Alex sighed, he hated Fridays, everything always happened on a Friday, so that his whole weekend was ruined. His marriage was just about failed, probably because work always got in the way. And his family had more or less abandon him years ago. He couldn't even remember his brother's birthday let alone his brother's children.  
  
The intelligence agent on the screen paused, and looked across at another console. "Some one has been going through Log entries, transport details, medical reports, personal files, there's a whole list sir, we could be here all night if I went through every thing."  
  
"What classification are they?" he folded his arms across his chest. He really hated Fridays.  
  
"Mostly delicate, none of it is general public access allocation level, some is classified, some strictly classified."  
  
The guy probably spent most of his life watching computer screens, Alex thought to himself, poor guy. "How long has this been going on for?" he sighed again. Definitely all weekend.  
  
"About three months sir, just under," the young agent was a little reluctant to admit that it had been going on right under their noses for so long.  
  
Alex paused, if some one was able to go around their systems unnoticed for so long, then it meant that they would be able to access anything unnoticed for a long amount of time. There was a reason they were caught out. "Okay, I'll be right down." He said eventually. Friday sucked.  
  
V  
  
Thirteen years ago Raphael had made a decision that had changed his life. He liked to think for the better, but thinking back he may not have gone about it the right way. No, he thought to himself, more assassins would have been sent after him, and he would have been added to the list. His decision had saved both of their lives, but still, he regretted getting involved in the first place.  
  
She was going to hate him. He knew that she would, he couldn't help thinking that he could have done things differently, could have maybe warned her. Oh well, that was in the past, what was important was that he went about things the right way this time. She was going to hate him though.  
  
V  
  
Light streamed through the bedroom window, and fell across the bed, it was this that alerted Chakotay to the fact that it was morning. He felt the warmth of the sun on his face and opened his eyes. There was a moment where his mind was totally free from all thoughts, and then suddenly it hit him, and he remembered the events of that night.  
  
Kathryn was no longer in bed with him, and a feeling of déja vous confronted him, before he realised that he really had been in the same situation before; falling asleep next to her and then waking up with her already gone.  
  
Lying on his back he closed his eyes and recalled the memories of that night, not wanting to leave the bed, because he knew that as soon as he did he would have to confront Kathryn again, and she would ignore him again. He couldn't go on like this.  
  
The bedroom was much larger than the captain's bedroom had been on voyager, and comfortably accommodated a double wardrobe, double bed and sofa. To the side of the room there was a window which overlooked various buildings, and streets. There were large glass doors that led out onto a balcony a few metres from the foot of the bed. The curtains had already been opened, and Chakotay was able to look out onto the beautiful Starfleet gardens.  
  
He was almost lost in the landscape when he heard the door open, he looked across to see Kathryn. She was wrapped in a silk dressing gown, that hung elegantly over her body. She smiled, "you're awake," she walked over the sofa and sat down, placing a mug of coffee on the table in front.  
  
He didn't know what to say, he just smiled; happy that she wasn't ignoring him.  
  
"Beautiful view isn't it?" she looked out of the glass doors, he followed her gaze, "star fleet's way of asking me to stay."  
  
He looked back across at her, "not that you'd actually consider leaving," he smiled fully displaying his dimples.  
  
"I know, but don't tell them that, I like a room with a view," she joked.  
  
He liked this, she was talking to him, smiling with him, but in-between the smiles he noticed her face flicker. She was troubled by something, but he didn't know what, afraid that it was him that was troubling her he didn't want to ask what was wrong. But he knew that he was going to.  
  
"Anything wrong?" he asked, sobering.  
  
Damn it! She thought. He had a habit of doing that; no matter how much she tried to conceal what was troubling her, he would always figure out that there was something. The trouble was that she couldn't tell him, and she wished that she could. "No," she lied, although it wasn't very convincing. She walked over to the bed and climbed over to him, sitting beside him, "there's nothing wrong," she added, slightly more convincingly.  
  
He put an arm around her shoulders, she would tell him when she felt like it, he decided. He put his other arm around to embrace her, kissing her cheek. Kathryn turned her head to face him, and smiled tenderly at him, he couldn't help noticing that her eyes were not fully included in the smile and instead looked worried. Before he could enquire further she was kissing him, and he totally forgot what he was going to say.

End of chapter 3.


	4. MRT

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. However, there are many 'fun' and 'exciting' yet 'challenging' characters within this story that I have created, and therefore paramount does not own them.  
  
V  
  
Chapter 4: MRT  
  
"Good morning admiral," Alex said in a sarcastically happy way.  
  
Kathryn returned the same sarcastic smile, "what's happened now?" she walked over to where he was standing.  
  
"Do you remember Paul?" he placed a hand on her shoulder and pressed some more buttons on the console in front of him, "you know the one that hates us, and we hate him."  
  
She gave him an exhausted look, "yes."  
  
"It seems he's been going through our computer systems for the past few months, undetected." The screen now displayed list upon list of files that had been accessed.  
  
"How long?" intrigued, she scrolled down through the data.  
  
"Since you got back from the delta quadrant I presume, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's been accessing files for much longer." She looked at him confused, "let me put it this way, he wasn't caught out by accident," he added.  
  
This wasn't her area, why had she been called in for this? It wasn't as if she was the only one that Paul had taken a hating to, there were several other people in intelligence that he seemed to dislike. "What do you need me for?" she asked, sceptically.  
  
"I just thought I'd ruin your weekend," he said sarcastically, (he was in that kind of mood) "no," he sobered, "it seems it's been voyager's files that he's been going through the most, we don't know why, but seeing as voyager was your ship, I'm guessing that you might be able to spread some light into the investigation."  
  
Was your ship! She still considered voyager her ship, she probably always would. It annoyed her when people spoke about voyager as if it had just been another assignment, and now it was over with, and would eventually just fade into another chapter of her life. She didn't mention this to Alex though. Seven years ago she would have, but they had grown so far apart in those seven years that she didn't even consider telling him. Instead she pinched the bridge of her nose, "I'll need a coffee," she sighed.  
  
V  
  
Thirteen years ago Alex ran to catch up with Kathryn. "You're not seriously going to use MRT on him are you?" He fell into stride beside her.  
  
"Why not?" she looked across at him, ready to challenge his next words.  
  
"You know exactly why not, it could be dangerous."  
  
She stopped, and faced Alex, defiance in her face. "Statistically he should be fine, besides you've used it before."  
  
"Not when I'm-" two agents walked along the corridor talking, they went passed and he waited until they were out of ear shot. Once they were gone he didn't really want to finish the sentence, he hated confronting Kathryn.  
  
"Yes?" Her tone was dangerous.  
  
"When I'm," he squinted as a reflex, "look, you've been through a lot, I just don't think that now is a good time. You need absolute concentration for MRT, and you haven't even been granted clearance."  
  
She didn't want to listen and so walked off. He quickly caught up with her and stayed at her pace. "Kathryn, don't do this." She wasn't listening to him. "Okay," he stopped. Feeling that she was going to win she turned around, facing him again. "If you want him to go through MRT then I'll do it, I can put more concentration into it. But I want you to be sure, there's a chance that he won't make it."  
  
She relaxed in her shoulders and in her face, and for the first time in days he could see the full extent of the pain she was covering up. "Okay," she said quietly with a lump in her throat, "thank you."  
  
V  
  
MRT probably wouldn't crack him. It might though, but he didn't really care. Either way he would get back at Kathryn, it would destroy her.  
  
Paul was always in a dark room. Always at a computer console, always plotting against people. He did nothing by accident, that's what he liked about computers, you had time to control every aspect of what was going on, even if it was by designing a program that controlled everything for you, you were still in total control.  
  
The time in-between staying in a dark room and working (if you could call it that) at a computer console was unimportant. Outside of a computer he was a nobody, but he liked it that way. It made him harder to trace, harder to stop.  
  
Everything was falling into place. Starfleet had 'caught' his actions on their systems, and 'worked out' what systems he had accessed. Of course he hadn't made a mistake, he wasn't like that, he didn't make mistakes, he was always right. He had wanted Starfleet to find out part of what he had been up to. It was quite simple, he had just gone through every file that he wanted them to see that he had visited and left a little message at the end: 'Paul 'as been 'ere'.  
  
The rest of his activities were totally untraceable, they may never know all of the files he had accessed. The next stage of his plan was a little harder to act out, a little less controllable, but equally exciting.  
  
V  
  
They sat opposite each other at the table, having just ordered. A waiter came over, holographic of course, and held out a wine, clearly displaying the label for them both to see.  
  
"Yes, that looks good," Chakotay confirmed.  
  
The waiter, assuming that Chakotay was in charge of the choice of wine, poured some out into a glass for him. He tasted it, not the best that he had tasted, but it was good nether the less. He smiled at the waiter, although he was holographic, and confirmed that the wine was satisfactory.  
  
"How long will you be gone then?" Chakotay asked Kathryn once the waiter had poured her some wine and left them to get on with their meal.  
  
"I'm not sure," she took a sip from the glass, "I haven't seen many of my family and friends for so long, I thought I'd just get it over and done with in one go," she smiled up at him, it wasn't exactly a lie, "you don't mind do you?"  
  
Returning the smile he shook his head, "just remember to call me from time to time."  
  
"Every night," she wasn't sure that she would have a chance to call him every night, but she was going to try.  
  
They linked hands across the table, and spent most of the evening smiling and talking about nothing in particular. Skipping desert, because Chakotay never ate it, they left the restaurant and took a walk along the quay.  
  
Kathryn slipped her arm through Chakotay's and walked beside him. "Are you okay?" he asked a question that he had been meaning to ask all evening, as in-between smiles she still looked troubled, as she had that morning a few days ago.  
  
"I'm fine," she said, trying not to let on that there was something troubling her, "why do you ask?" this way she would be able to correct anything that she was doing that was letting him think there was something wrong.  
  
"I don't know," he wasn't going to give away his secrets, "I just get the feeling that there's something troubling you. Want to talk to me about it?"  
  
She did, but couldn't. There were so many things that she wanted to tell him, share with him, and get off her conscious, but she knew that she couldn't. And the fact that he could tell that there was something amiss just made it worse. "I don't want to bother you with it," there was no point in pretending that there wasn't something wrong anymore, "it's not important, don't worry."  
  
But he was worrying. He didn't like it when Kathryn shut him out like this. He had never like it. There had been many occasions on voyager when she had done things without telling him about it first, and he had only found out afterwards. He had a feeling that this may be another one of those times.  
  
"But I do worry Kathryn, can't you see that?" He stopped, as did she, he held both of her shoulders in front of him. He looked at her, waiting for her to say something, but she didn't. He gave up, dropping his arms by his sides. "Look," he sighed, "just promise me that you won't do anything stupid." She had a habit of doing that he had noticed, soon after they had first met.  
  
She looked down at the ground, then finally lifting her face to his. She slipped both arms around his waist, and lay her head against his shoulder. Instinctively he folded his arms across her back. "I love you Chakotay," she said quietly, but loudly enough for only him to hear.  
  
He gave up, it was impossible to get anything out of Kathryn Janeway when she shut people out. It was probably only something small, that only she would worry about, but still, he got the feeling there was more to it. He kissed the top of her head, "I love you too," he whispered, so only she could hear.  
  
V  
  
End of chapter 4.


	5. Against family tradition

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. I have no more to say on the matter.  
  
Note: If you like the voyager universe the way that it is, without any twists being added to it, not only are you very narrow minded and a pathetically sad person, but you should also stop reading about now.  
  
V  
  
Chapter 5: Against family tradition  
  
Outside the ground was sprinkled with snow. There had been more that morning, but the sun had melted much of it away. Under the trees though where the sun could not reach, the snow was just as thick as it had been in the morning.  
  
The cabin was surrounded by trees that looked as if they had just been sprinkled lightly with icing sugar. Although it was cold outside, the cabin was warmed by a log fire; the logs were stacked neatly to one side of the cabin. From the front door was a small path that led down the side of a shallow hill and onto a relatively disused road.  
  
Most of the year the cabin was unused, but the smoke coming from the chimney indicated that someone was there. Kathryn Janeway lay comfortably across the sofa reading a book, relishing in the warmth from the fire. Unlike many modern heating systems the warmth from the fire was a lot more refreshing, she didn't know why, but it was a welcome change to the usual perfectly heated apartments in San Francisco.  
  
The cabin was comfortably small, there wasn't a lot of space that was unused, but it wasn't so small that furniture did not fit inside properly to make it look cluttered. In her opinion it was perfect the way that it was, and she wouldn't change a thing about it.  
  
There were two bedrooms, that led into the main room, which consisted of living area and kitchen. The bathroom had been added to the building in the past few decades, whereas before it had been necessary to walk across a path that led from the back door to get to an outhouse. A very welcome improvement to the cabin.  
  
A piano stood against a wall, although it was old it had been taken good care of, and recently tuned, so that no note sounded in the slightest off against others. Not far from the piano were three guitars lined up next to each other carefully and neatly; two were vintage but in almost perfect condition, and the third, the steel strung acoustic, had been delicately and painfully hand made.  
  
Bored with reading Kathryn laid the book down on the sofa and sat up. She turned to see Tad emerge from his bedroom, engrossed in a piece of paper. With out taking his eyes off the sheet he walked effortlessly across the room, and sat in the arm chair by Kathryn. Folding the paper delicately in half he allowed it to fall to the floor, he watched it's gradual decent before looking up.  
  
"How long did you tell Chakotay you'd be away for?" he asked sitting back in his chair and watching the flames of the fire.  
  
"You mean how much longer will you have to put up with me?" she smiled.  
  
"I'll tell you when you start to piss me off," he faced her and gave a quirky grin. She briefly returned the smile, before the smile faded from her face, and her gaze turned towards the fire. She didn't seem to be looking at the fire at all though, but instead her mind was concentrated on other things. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or am I going to have to guess, and decide by your reaction to what's wrong?" Tad's British accent seemed more defined than usual.  
  
Kathryn looked up at him, and smiled weakly. There were very few secrets that her and Tad had from each other, there was no need for either of them to keep secrets from each other. "It's nothing," she was exhausted from people asking her that question.  
  
"Okay then, let me guess," he started, "could it have something to do with Chakotay?"  
  
"I'm not playing this game Tobias," she turned away from him picking up her book.  
  
"Ah, so it does," Tad lifted a finger to his chin and pretended to think hard, making it obvious that he had already guessed, "does it have something to do with, humm, me?"  
  
"Don't place yourself at the centre of every situation honey, it's not good for you to think that you're the most important person in the universe, because you're not." She said sarcastically, although there was some truth behind the words. He did have a habit of putting himself in every situation and blaming himself for everything bad about it.  
  
"Why don't you just tell him?" Tad whined slightly, solving the whole situation as simply as it could possibly be solved.  
  
"I don't know," Kathryn was once again serious. "I guess I didn't tell him at first because I didn't trust him; he was marquis, I was a Starfleet captain. But then," she paused, sighing slightly, "when I did start to trust him, I couldn't tell him because then he would feel like I hadn't trusted him and telling him would have caused too many problems."  
  
"And now it's got to a point where you don't want to tell him, because you think that you'll lose him," Tad finished what she was saying.  
  
She smiled at the younger man sitting opposite her, he had a way of knowing exactly what she was thinking. Feeling that he had removed some of the weight from her shoulders by sharing it, he got up from the chair and crossed the room, picking up a guitar and sitting down with it on the stool to the piano.  
  
He would be there for hours playing away on his guitar. She loved listening to him play, even if it was just him making the same mistakes over and over again, it was still a joy to hear him practice, gradually getting better, determined to get it perfect, until he could play it fluently.  
  
Tad had only been seventeen when Kathryn had destroyed the array, a decision that still haunted her, as it had stranded her in the delta quadrant for seven years. Not that it was all bad though, she had met Chakotay, and B'Elanna, and made so many other friends that she knew she would never have made if she had have been in the Alpha quadrant.  
  
At twenty four Tad had already gained a PHD in medicine, and had spent the first year of his qualification on Cardassia helping to rebuild the planet, something Kathryn was very proud of him for; not only was he helping people in need but he had put a prejudice behind him that very few people would have been able to do.  
  
Against family tradition he was uninterested in Starfleet, and had turned down many opportunities offered to him to join, she guessed he was half scared that he may be promoted and be responsible for hundreds of lives twenty four hours of every day, for long periods of time. She didn't really blame him.  
  
"Mum," Tad placed a hand on the strings of his guitar, and turned to face Kathryn, "do you love him? Chakotay I mean."  
  
She smiled at him and nodded slightly, "yes. Why?"  
  
He bit his lip and nodded to himself, "no reason, just wandered," shrugging his shoulders he returned his full attention to playing his guitar.  
  
V  
  
Again Chakotay woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. He had for the past few nights, he was unable to remember his dream, but woke up with the feeling the dream had left.  
  
This night, although the dream he had had was unclear, he knew it was the same one as the other nights. He sat up in his bed, "lights" he said without thinking, and was rewarded with a blinding light, "dim lights to twenty percent," he instructed the computer with a hand shielding his eyes.  
  
The computer dimmed the lights, but it still took a few more seconds for his eyes to become accustomed to the light. Initially he thought of calling Kathryn or B'Elanna, but quickly remembered that Kathryn would be asleep at this time, and B'Elanna wasn't even on the planet, and he had no idea what time B'Elanna was keeping to. Besides, he thought to himself, they were just dreams, he didn't want to bother anyone with something so tedious.  
  
After finding that he was unable to sleep he got dressed and left his apartment deciding that a night walk in the city would be a good idea.  
  
Very few people were out on the streets at such an early hour, there was the odd person dressed in Starfleet uniform walking to or from a night shift, and several young people that had spent the night clubbing, or taking 'educational' visits to pubs, that were now winding down after the night and going back home with the promise of a hangover the next morning.  
  
It was about four in the morning, and very few places were open. Eventually Chakotay turned a corner to see that a small coffee shop was either just opening or had been open all night, thinking that he could do with a cup of coffee he went inside.  
  
The place was almost empty except for a few people dotted around. Two were dressed in Starfleet uniforms, and were sitting together talking quietly, the table covered in padds. A man sat reading a paper in one corner, the only time he moved was to take a sip from a mug. Finally a Vulcan sat by himself at a table, reading. Chakotay sat down himself and within moments he was approached by a man waiting to take his order.  
  
Outside light was beginning to pour into the streets, where it would eventually warm them, and people would begin waking, and start their days. Chakotay had already started his day, and sitting by himself he was beginning to wish that he had brought some work to occupy his mind. So instead he concentrated his mind on just thinking, about nothing and everything in particular.  
  
When his coffee arrived, he realised that something was missing, and quickly realised that coffee would never be quite right if he wasn't drinking it with Kathryn, or wasn't telling Kathryn that she shouldn't drink so much of it.  
  
She had gone away a week ago saying that she was visiting family, and had called him four times since she had been away, but had never left a contact address, saying that she might not be there when he called, and it was easier for her to call him.  
  
Lost in his own thoughts he didn't hear the man walk into the coffee shop, and sit down at the table next to him, or even order a coffee. It wasn't until the man had spoken to him that he looked up.  
  
"Do you think?" Chakotay replied when the man had told him the weather looked promising.  
  
"Yeah, when you live in a place for long enough, it becomes predictable," he totally made up. Chakotay smiled. "You having bad dreams?" the man who had yet to introduce himself asked.  
  
Chakotay looked across at the man, now not quite so certain he wanted to talk with him. "Yes," he answered honestly, "how did you guess?"  
  
"It was in your logs," the man answered, taking a sip of coffee, and pulling a face at the richness of the beverage.  
  
"I beg your pardon," Chakotay's voice was restrained, but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions.  
  
The man shrugged, "you said in your logs that you were having bad dreams that you couldn't remember the details of."  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Chakotay raised his voice, and was now standing up, leaning across the table at the man in front of him.  
  
Paul, unaffected by Chakotay's stance shrugged his shoulders, "does that really matter?"  
  
Suddenly aware that he was causing a scene Chakotay decided to leave the coffee shop. He shot Paul a look of disgust before heading towards the door. "I wouldn't even bother if I were you," Paul stated calmly after him, "the doors are looked."  
  
Chakotay turned, fists clenched, "who the hell are you?" he demanded.  
  
Paul smiled, "my name is Paul, remember that when Kathryn asks you."  
  
"Asks me what?" Chakotay headed towards Paul ready to permanently disfigure the man.  
  
"Who did this to you." Paul smiled wickedly as the holographic waiter held a hypospray to Chakotay's neck, and injected him. He fell heavily to the ground.

V

End of chapter 5.


	6. Apology

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. Please don't sue, I'm a student and therefore have no money for you to take from me. But Paramount, if you are actually reading this, and you have read other pieces of fan fiction on this site, then maybe you have learned that the whole Chakotay/seven thing really wasn't the best of moves.  
  
'When walking this world of social mines  
  
Keep fallen friends, don't leave them behind  
  
As when you fall, and it's certain you will  
  
They will pick you up, as they'll be with you still  
  
And most important to remember of lines  
  
Is make peace, love and groovy times'  
  
V

Chapter 6: Apology  
  
There was a knock at the door. Tad sat at the piano not really thinking about the knock at the door, he scribbled something else onto a piece of paper. The knock sounded again, he heard the sound, but didn't really put two and two together.  
  
Something had distracted him from writing, he looked up, just as the knock sounded for a third time, this time he did recognise that someone was at the door. Taking his time, he placed the papers neatly on the top of the piano, and got up from his seat, and walked over towards the door.  
  
Tad and Kathryn had been staying in the cabin for a little over a week. Tad treasured the time that he had with his mother, as he never knew when he was going to see her again. The last time they had seen each other, had been seven years ago, and it would probably be months before he saw her again, the next time that they separated.  
  
It had been like that years before Kathryn had taken up a command position aboard voyager, ever since she had been given the rank of lieutenant. He had gone to a boarding school in England from the age of eleven, which was where he had acquired his British accent. Even though for the six years he had gone there, Kathryn had been only a few days away from Earth at most times, he hadn't even see her every holiday, as he often went to stay with his grandmother.  
  
Somehow though, Tad still felt very close to Kathryn, even after months apart they would easily catch up, and quickly slip back into the rolls of mother and son. Even this time, after years apart, days after Tad's return to Earth from Cardassia they had been able to pick up from where they had left off.  
  
Tad opened the door to the cabin. A tall man, about his height, with sandy brown hair and hazel eyes that, although strong, now seemed somewhat sorrowful, stood in front of him. The man was in his late forties, and was starting to show it, with his hair greying at the edges, and lines appearing faintly on his face.  
  
"Raphael," Tad said, distinctly blocking the doorway with his own body. He waited for the man to say something; he had nothing to say to him that he knew he wouldn't regret.  
  
"Tad," Raphael smiled weakly, "I'm here to see your mother, is she in?"  
  
Tad paused, "no," he said, studying Raphael, "why?" his voice slightly bitter.  
  
"I need to speak to her about something, will she be back here anytime soon?"  
  
"Yes," he rarely lied, and couldn't be arsed to this time, "in an hour or so, she went hiking."  
  
"Ah," Raphael stood awkwardly at the door entrance.  
  
"I'd invite you in," Tad started, "but I don't like you, and I don't think that my mum really wants to see you, let alone speak to you, or hear anything that you have to say." Tad hated the tone of his own voice, but he hated Raphael more, and wasn't afraid to say so.  
  
"Tad, I know that you're still angry with me, and I can't really blame you, I'm still angry with myself, but I really do need to speak to Kathryn."  
  
In their sharp and splintered talk to one another in the door way, they didn't hear the foot steps coming up the path towards the cabin. They didn't even realise her stand there listening to their conversation. It was only when Kathryn spoke that either of them actually noticed.  
  
"Tad, I think that I can make my own decisions on whether or not I want to speak people." Her voice broke their conversation, Raphael turned around sharply, Tad merely turned his head slowly in her direction.  
  
Kathryn's shock at seeing Raphael was halved at seeing the shock on his face when he realised that she had been standing behind him. Putting on the captain's mask, she walked up to the door, "well you'd better come in then," she said to Raphael.  
  
Tad stood back from the doorway allowing them both to enter. Sensing that they might want to talk privately he offered to go to his room. "What, so you can listen in?" Kathryn half accused her son, "no, go for a walk or something."  
  
Raphael hovered awkwardly by the sofa, debating whether or not to sit. "Mum!" Tad started to argue back, he motioned with his head in Raphael's direction, "are you sure you want me to leave you alone with him?" Tad spat out the last word.  
  
"Tobias, I'm not giving you an option," she put a hand on Tad's shoulder, "I promise if things get nasty, I'll try not to injure Raphael too severely," she said in a hushed sort of mock voice, so that only he could hear.  
  
Nodding slowly in defeat, Tad grabbed his jacket from a peg by the door, "I'll be back in half an hour," he said, and then quietly in his mother's ear he whispered "that's not what I'm worried about." Taking one last look at Raphael he left the cabin, closing the door loudly as he left.  
  
Relaxing a little with Tad gone, Raphael attempted a nervous smile. "Don't think for one moment I've forgiven you," Kathryn quickly put him in his place, with an edge to her voice, and just as quickly the smile diminished.  
  
"Kathryn," Raphael sat down submissively, "I don't even know where to begin with how sorry I am."  
  
"Then don't." Her voice was cold, a lot colder since Tad had left. Suddenly he wanted Tad back, at least then she would try to appear okay with his presence there. "Raphael," she placed a hand on the head of the armchair, and another on her hip, "is there a reason why you're here? It would be nice if you could get to the point and then leave."  
  
He didn't like it when she was like this, he never had. When they used to argue, she had rarely shouted at him, but would turn very cold and sarcastic. Sometimes he wished that she had have shouted at him, he wished that she would shout at him now, he deserved it. But instead she kept perfectly composed, with resent towards him buried within each word she spoke to him. "It's about Paul," he said.  
  
Kathryn felt like slapping his forehead in frustration, yes, she thought, if you're here to tell me that Paul has been hacking into computer systems then I already know! Instead she shifted her weight slightly and nodded, "yes." she waited for him to elaborate.  
  
"I think that he might be planning some sort of revenge against you, from what I know, I think that it has something to do with your commander from voyager, I think his name is Chakotay."  
  
"Yes, that's his name. What do you know?" Some of the hatred that she had been feeling for Raphael moments ago, now shifted to concern for Chakotay.  
  
"I'm not sure exactly, but I'm guessing something to do with MRT, I could be wrong, but I know Paul well enough to think the way that he thinks. Has he any basis for using MRT on Chakotay do you think?"  
  
Kathryn's piercing gaze had left Raphael, and now gazed somewhat distantly into the fireplace. "Kathryn?" he prompted, wandering whether or not she had heard him.  
  
"Yes," she nodded slowly.  
  
Not sure if she was answering the question, or responding to her name, he asked her again if there was any basis for Paul to be using MRT on Chakotay.  
  
Not really answering his question, she asked if he would like a coffee, and within a few minutes they were both sitting down on the sofa with mugs of the beverage.  
  
"How do you know any of this?" Kathryn's voice was no longer bitter, but he was still walking on egg shells; the pain that he had caused her was still there, and he didn't want to open up any healing wounds.  
  
"I still have my contacts," he admitted, looking shyly at the ground. Realising that he had told her everything that he could about Paul, he felt it was the right time to change the subject. "I'm sorry," he said something that he had been meaning to say for thirteen years.  
  
Kathryn nodded slowly, it sounded like he really meant it. "I'm not ready to forgive you, and even if I was, I don't know how I would forgive you Raphael." The honesty felt somewhat liberating.  
  
"Forgiveness takes time," he said plainly, "I don't deserve for you to forgive me for what I did, Tad still hasn't, but I'm hoping that maybe over time-" he looked at her, their eyes locked. Any feelings that he thought he had long since lost for her, came back, and the guilt he felt for hurting her doubled. "There are a lot of things that we should probably talk about."  
  
"I'm not ready to talk," she interrupted.  
  
"I know, but when you are."  
  
She nodded. At that moment the cabin door opened, and Tad stumbled in. They both looked up at him as he stood in the door way facing their direction with a hand covering his eyes. They watched as he slowly parted his fingers and squinted with one eye through the gap, and then proceeded to remove his hand from his face. "Sorry," he said, "I wasn't sure what I was going to walk in on."  
  
Raphael smirked slightly, as Kathryn furrowed her eyebrows. Digging himself into a hole he went on to explain. "Well, I figured you'd either have killed one another, or be passionately making out on the sofa, which would probably be worse, but equally disturbing." Kathryn smirked slightly at the way her son had put it.  
  
Feeling that any moment Tad might chuck him out of the cabin, Raphael stood up to leave. "I would invite you to stay for dinner, I'm cooking of course," said Tad, "but I really do hate you."  
  
For a moment it suddenly dawned upon Raphael how much alike Tad and Kathryn were, but then how different they were to each other at the same time; they were both very honest most of the time, and could be sarcastic in their honesty, but Tad was a lot more light hearted in his approach to things, in comparison with Kathryn. Smiling a little to himself, he turned to Kathryn, "I'll try and find out exactly what he's planning, and contact you if there are any developments."  
  
She nodded, "your contacts I'm guessing," he hadn't changed that much, and her thought was confirmed when he nodded.  
  
"I'll see you again some time then," he half asked.  
  
"Maybe." Her voice still cold to him. Raphael shrugged, said good bye and left the cabin.  
  
"I don't really want to know what the two of you talked about," said Tad, removing his jacket a while after Raphael had left the cabin, and Tad had watched him walk down the path. "But feel free to tell me, if you feel that telling me is necessary." He sat down on the sofa next to Kathryn where Raphael had just sat. But she didn't say anything, "I love you mum," he smiled in an attempt to break the atmosphere, and not really knowing what else to say.  
  
Kathryn returned the smile, then her smile faded. "I've got to go back," she said, meaning that their time getting to know each other again after all of the years would soon be over.  
  
Tad nodded, not letting his disappointment show too much. "I guessed," he said, "but not before dinner right?"  
  
She smiled at his enthusiasm to spend every last moment with her. "I can stay for dinner," she eventually said, breaking into a full smile.

V

End of chapter 6.


	7. New Earth

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. So does New Earth, but Earth (the original) belongs to us, and it's a free world apparently.  
  
For all those that are left completely baffled by the end of this chapter, don't worry, everything will become much clearer by about chapter 13 I think. LOL. As far as I've planned, you should find out a little about what's going on in the next three chapters, but stay with me, I am the creator of this story, and I do have a master plan.  
  
For the time being though, here's a thought for you, what if Janeway and Chakotay had different memories of New Earth.  
  
V  
  
Chapter 7: New Earth  
  
Chakotay held Kathryn in his arms. They lay their together, neither or them speaking, but preferring to spend the time that they had left in silence. Chakotay didn't ask because he was afraid of the answer, and Kathryn didn't speak because she was afraid of what she might say. So they lay there, neither of them making the first move.  
  
Sun had entered the bedroom maybe an hour ago, maybe longer, but it didn't really matter how long ago, the sun was still there and wouldn't go down for the rest of the day. Light crept through a gap in the thin material of the curtains, and made a bold line across the centre of the bed, while the actual curtains that should have been white looked somewhat yellow, with the sun beaming down on them.  
  
Kathryn played with Chakotay's hand, tracing each line with her finger, seeing each hardship he had endured reflected into it. Chakotay lifted his hand to her face and caressed her cheek, then he cleared her forehead of any loose strands of hair, and with a single movement he tucked then behind her ear. Resting his hand on her bare shoulder, he risked speaking. "What's going to happen when voyager returns for us?" he asked softly, so as not to disrupt the peace that they had created.  
  
She was lying with her head to his chest, and he could feel very distinctly when she took a deep breath in, and then released it slowly. Maybe it was to prepare her for a speech, or maybe to signify that she was thinking about the question. She crossed her arm across his chest, "let's not think about that now," she said.  
  
It was unlike her, he thought, to run away from things, or avoid something because she found it difficult. So, being unsure to what she was thinking he let it go for the time being.  
  
They had been on New Earth for a little under three months, voyager had contacted them the previous day to tell them that they had found a cure for the virus and would soon be picked up. That was twenty four hours ago, he thought, that only gave them another twelve hours until they were in transporter range of the ship. That only gave them another twelve hours together with no rank, twelve hours to freely express their love for one another, and after those last few hours, he didn't really know.

It had been the previous morning that he had shown her his plan to build a boat of some description that they could use to explore the new planet by the river. And then they had heard the comm. badges reactivate after almost three months of neglect. Although Tuvok had said they had 36 hours left on the planet before Voyager arrived, that pervious day had been wasted.

Kathryn had grown increasingly quiet, and spent a lot of the time thinking to herself. She had distanced herself from him, and refrained from kissing him, and tensed when he touched her. When he told her that he loved her, she would look away, or maybe pull away from him altogether, she would not confess her love for him as she had only that night before.

Chakotay thought he knew what it was though. When they had been stranded on New Earth, at first she had been adamant that she would find a cure, and after some time she had gotten used to the idea that she may have to spend the rest of her life with him, that they may never see voyager again. That they may never see Earth again. That she would never see Mark again. And now that voyager had found a cure, she wouldn't have to spend the remainder of her life with him on the planet, and there was now a good chance that they would see Earth again, and for her, she might see Mark again.  
  
He guessed it was guilt, she was feeling guilty that she had betrayed Mark. Also the idea that she was in a relationship with her first officer, her subordinate, was beginning to sink in, and she didn't like the idea of going against Starfleet regulations.  
  
"I'm going to take a shower," he felt her body break away from his, and watched as she disentangled herself from the sheets.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" he propped himself up onto his elbows, and smiled, knowing that his dimples would break her.  
  
She sat naked with her back to him, at the edge of the bed. "I don't think that would be appropriate," she said, suddenly in full captain mode. The smile was quickly wiped from Chakotay's face, how could she say that? They had just spent the night together, how could taking a shower together be inappropriate in comparison? He asked himself.  
  
He watched a Kathryn wrapped a robe around herself, still a little shocked at her tone. She was about to leave the room, and make her way towards the shower, when his voice stopped her exit. "What do you mean: 'I don't think that would be appropriate?'" he asked.  
  
She turned round, to find him standing naked by the side of the bed. She wanted to reach out and touch his skin, tell him she was sorry, and slip back into the bed with him, but instead she brought out the captains mask, and took her eyes from his body, and up to face him. "I'll be taking a shower alone," she stated, her voice cold and somewhat painful for him to hear, and with that she left the room.  
  
Chakotay let Kathryn go, and dressed himself, not bothering with a shower, suddenly eager to get on with packing everything back up before voyager arrived back for them.

When Kathryn re-emerged from her bedroom, clean and dressed, Chakotay was nearing the end of his breakfast. She walked across the living area and sat down at the table opposite him. She was playing with something in her hand, but he couldn't see what it was, as she quickly hid it beneath the table.  
  
"I love you," she said suddenly, and out of the blue.  
  
Chakotay looked up at her from his mug of coffee, a little confused. He smiled slightly, and with a little reservation, "I love you too Kathryn," and then he added, "is there something wrong? you can talk to me about it."  
  
Kathryn reached out and slipped her hand into Chakotay's, "I'm sorry," she said, "for the way that I acted just before my shower, and for yesterday, it's just, so much has changed." She looked down at the table, "there's so much about me that you don't know."  
  
He smiled as she looked up, and their eyes locked for a moment. "I know enough," he admitted. Over the past few months he had learned a lot about Kathryn, he now found it easier to predict her moods, and reactions to things. They had told each other a lot about their lives before voyager, Kathryn had started confiding in him about things, things that she never had before they had come to New Earth.  
  
After the storm had destroyed all of her equipment, she had been distraught, realising that the chances of them escaping the planet were considerable narrowed. He had confronted her about it, finding her mood impossible to deal with, without fully understanding, and she had broken down, and wept in his arms. When she had settled down, and he asked her what was wrong, she had told him about her son Tobias, and that she missed him. He didn't exactly know why she had never told him this before, but she had told him enough for the time being, and he knew that maybe after some time she'd give him more details.  
  
"Maybe," the look on her face changed as she looked into his, as if she was trying to remember his face, the way that it was. The hand that had been under the table lifted up, and he could see she was holding what looked like a silver pen, she held it up vertically, and in a flash everything went dark.  
  
What happened next was not as clear, he had no sight, but could hear. Her voice came clearly above every other sound that he could hear, but he couldn't make out the words, maybe he didn't want to, but he knew that he didn't like them what ever they were. He felt sick, he didn't want to be there, where ever he was.  
  
Kathryn's voice left him, and was replaced by that of a man. The darkness was replaced by a bright light, as he opened his eyes, it was too bright, and he had to close them again. He couldn't hear what the man was saying, but it didn't sound like the man was talking to him, and it was when he heard the voice of another man that he was certain that they were in conversation with one another.  
  
"I'm not sure, maybe once more, twice more, maybe none at all," said the voice of one of the men.  
  
"Okay, can I speak to him?" Chakotay recognised the voice of the second man. He didn't hear him speak again until the man was positively a few feet again from him. "Good morning," this time the voice was speaking to him.  
  
Regaining confidence in his eyes, he opened them again, this time more slowly. The light was coming from directly above him, and was purposefully placed on his face. "Where am I?" he said, finding his voice.  
  
"That doesn't really matter," the voice, he had heard it before.  
  
Chakotay struggled only to find that his arms and legs had been strapped tightly to the bed that he lay on. "Why am I here?" he pulled a little harder at the straps holding him down, but it was no use.  
  
"How much do you remember?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"About, New Earth, I think you called it."  
  
"New Earth? What-" something about his memories of the planet weren't quite right, "I-" he stammered.  
  
"Do you remember your relationship with Kathryn Janeway on the planet?" The man prompted.  
  
"My-" Chakotay thought, "how did you-?" he wasn't quite sure about what had happened on that planet at all, now he came to think about it. "What have you done to me!"  
  
"MRT," the man explained, "Memory Retrieval Therapy. I must admit, I was a little disappointed in you, I was hoping that you might go insane straight away, but maybe you will after time."  
  
"I don't understand," Chakotay had given up with the straps, and was now dealing with two similar sets of memory, both inside his head, alike, and yet very different."  
  
"Of course you wouldn't," the man, who Chakotay was beginning to be able to make out, paced a little. "Allow me to explain," he said, his face inches from Chakotay's.  
  
At the sight of his face, he remembered the café in San Francisco, and the man who had called himself Paul. Suddenly Chakotay felt very sick.

V

End of chapter 7.


	8. Wouldn't be

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount.  
  
But here is a thought for the amateur philosophers out there: paramount owns Star trek, and TPTB own paramount, and TPTB are in the minds of everyone, so, technically, with that thinking, no one can ever create or own anything. It's called sharing.  
  
V  
  
Chapter 8: 'Wouldn't be a problem'  
  
"She doesn't love you."  
  
The words ran through his head until they made him fell sick, and then they didn't stop, they just went round again, until he started to believe them.  
  
He was so confused, why would she do that to him? And when he tried to make excuses for her the words came back to him, haunting him and torturing him, until he could no longer bear it. He wanted answers, but the dark room didn't provide any.  
  
He couldn't sleep, and when he did his thoughts were no longer under his control, and he started to think about it in his sleep. He was afraid to sleep, afraid of being unable to block his thoughts, block his memories, if they were that.  
  
They were so real to Chakotay, so vivid, but so dreamlike, too perfect most of the time. He would start to think that they were real, but then realised that he had never had a relationship on New Earth with Kathryn which had been anything more than friendship.  
  
What Paul would say to him, Chakotay didn't believe, refused to believe, but it did, on some levels make sense. He would kick himself into reality, and refuse to believe what he was being told, what his memories were saying. He concluded that his mind must be being tampered with by Paul, that the memories weren't real. But they were so vivid, and felt so right.  
  
Since he had been back on Earth, and had started an intimate relationship with Kathryn, he had had a feeling of familiarity. When she touched him, it felt very familiar to him. He assumed that it was just because she was so right for him, but that familiarity still made him question everything.  
  
He didn't know how long he had been there, had any one even noticed that he was gone? He had only had three encounters with Paul, and each one ended with him slipping out of consciousness. He didn't like the man, let alone trust what he was saying. He didn't want to believe what he was being told, but still, parts of it made sense.  
  
His eyes felt heavy, he didn't want to go to sleep, because each time he did, his dreams were of New Earth, and when he would wake they would no longer seem like dreams, and seemed more like memories. But they weren't memories, he told himself, his mind was being tampered with.  
  
Being unable to hold out any longer his eyes closed, and not having the energy to open them, he gradually fell into sleep.  
  
V  
  
Kathryn came in through the door to see Chakotay busy cooking. "Any luck?" he said with out even turning around.  
  
"No," she said, "I'm going to go back out in a minute, I just came back to get some more insect traps." She crossed the room, and walked past Chakotay.  
  
"You're not staying to eat?" he was a little annoyed.  
  
"No," she said flatly. She got what she had come in for and headed back towards the exit.  
  
"Kathryn, at least eat something first."  
  
"I can eat later," she stood by the door, with a hand on the handle, and the other hand holding some more insect traps.  
  
Chakotay looked up from his cooking, to face the most complex woman in the universe. "It won't still be warm later. Look, if you eat now, then I will go with you, and give you a hand putting the traps up."  
  
She thought about it, he knew before she did that he had won, and so returned to his cooking. Putting everything down by the door, Kathryn went up to the kitchen units and opened a cupboard, removing some plates. Silently she laid the table.  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay had been stranded on the planet that they had named New Earth for a little under six weeks. In that time they had begun to make them selves at home in their make-shift cabin, and were both growing accustomed to their surroundings.  
  
They were also getting used to each other, it was one thing to serve aboard a ship with someone twenty four seven, but it was another thing entirely, to live with someone, to eat meals every day with that person, and to have that person as your only form of companionship. And it wasn't just living with each other that they were getting used to, but also intimacy with one another.  
  
The sun was setting in the sky above, Kathryn and Chakotay walked through the forest hand in hand, until they came to the bank of the river. "Here," she said stopping, looking down at her triquader. Swiftly Chakotay attached an insect trap to a tree close by, "that's all," said Kathryn.  
  
On the water, the sun was making patterns with numerous colours, the view was breath taking. Chakotay turned round to see Kathryn watching these patterns, silently he came up behind her and encircled his arms around her. "Beautiful isn't it?" he whispered in her ear.  
  
"Yes," she agreed, placing her hands on top of his.  
  
They stood quietly for a few moments longer, enjoying the way that the light bounced off from the water's surface. "Are you okay?" he eventually asked, "it's just that today, and yesterday you've been a little, I don't know, out of phase." He felt her tense slightly in his arms, and so held on a little more firmly.  
  
"Just missing Earth," she admitted.  
  
He didn't exactly know what had sparked it, maybe it was thinking more clearly about Earth, maybe it was because she felt she could hold it in no longer now that she had told him part of what was on her mind, but she started to cry. At first he was a little shocked, Captain Janeway cry? He thought to himself, a federation captain allowing emotions to overwhelm herself. But when he thought about it, she was only human, even captains found that sometimes they had to embrace their emotions. And then thinking about it more, he realised that part of him still thought of this woman as his captain, as his superior officer.  
  
Chakotay manoeuvred himself to face Kathryn, she didn't object or pull away, in fact she drew closer to him, placing each arms around his neck. "It's okay," he hushed in her ear, wrapping his arms around her.  
  
He wasn't sure how long the two of them stayed there like that together, it could have been minutes, maybe an hour, maybe much longer, not that he minded comforting her. Eventually Kathryn settled down, but stayed in his arms a little longer, enjoying the warmth within them. "You know you can tell me anything," Chakotay assured her, wanting to get to the bottom of her behaviour.  
  
"Can I?" she was testing the rope to make sure that it wouldn't break when she climbed up it.  
  
He ran his fingers soothingly through her hair, "well, we're pretty much alone here, and you've got no one else to speak to, so if there's something on your mind and you don't trust me enough to talk to me about it-" he joked a little with her.  
  
She smiled and the truth in his words, "I do trust you," she didn't want him to think that she didn't. He felt her sigh against his chest, "I really don't know where to begin, or how much to say," she said at last.  
  
"From the beginning, and everything," he wasn't exactly sure what she was going to tell him A thought struck him, "you're not pregnant are you?" They had only been intimately together for four weeks or so, and they had both been very careful, but he guessed that it could happen.  
  
He heard her laugh in his chest, then she pulled her head away from his body, loosely draping her arms around his neck, she was smiling, "commander," she joked using his rank from voyager, and in a mock serious voice, "you make it sound like it would be a problem if I was."  
  
Chakotay suddenly realised his error in the way that he had asked the question, "I'm sorry," he tried to correct his error, "I didn't mean it like- are you?"  
  
"No," she laughed again, slapping his shoulder as she pulled away from him. "Come on, let's head back, it's getting dark," she took him by the hand and they headed back through the forest.  
  
When they came through the door of the cabin, they were both laughing. On walking back Chakotay had started laughing as Kathryn was laughing, and then when she finally began to sober up, she couldn't stop herself from laughing more either, because he was. And it had gone on like that for their walk back to the cabin.  
  
"Coffee?" asked Kathryn, now smiling broadly at him.  
  
He nodded, "yes, please," and sat himself down on the sofa.  
  
Within minutes they were both sitting down with mugs of coffee, sitting, as they often did, in silence, just enjoying each other's company.  
  
"You were going to tell me something," he remembered, breaking the silence.  
  
She sighed and took a sip of her coffee, as he noticed she would often do before breaching a subject. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'unnameable, implaceable'?" she asked.  
  
"No," he admitted.  
  
"It means, that if you can't name something, you can't locate it," she explained. "For example if you're looking for someone and you don't know their name, then you can't find them."  
  
Chakotay nodded, "what's this got to do with anything?" looking slightly confused.  
  
"I have a son," she braved telling him.  
  
"A son?" he echoed, furrowing his eyebrows, "I thought you didn't have any children."  
  
Kathryn paused, "eight years ago I went on holiday with my son Tobias, and at the time my younger daughter. On the way back there was an incident, a small group of about three terrorists came aboard the shuttle. By the time I realised what had happened my daughter had been taken aboard their shuttle that had been in cloak," she swallowed hard and continued, "I'm not exactly sure what happened, but the shuttle that she was taken aboard, blew up, and she was killed."  
  
"Why?" he asked in a soft voice.  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why did these men come aboard, to take your daughter away?"  
  
She shook her head, "there are many reasons why, I never found out which exactly. My daughter was a mutant, and the terrorists may have been against genetic alteration. Also someone may have found out that I did work for Starfleet intelligence, and they planned to use my daughter as ransom for something," she shrugged, "as I said, I never found out exactly."  
  
"You worked for Starfleet intelligence?" maybe he had heard wrong.  
  
Kathryn nodded, "it's not unusual for Starfleet officers to do the occasional bit of intelligence work," she pointed out.  
  
"And it's not usual for Starfleet officers to have a child kidnapped because of the odd bit of intelligence work," he retorted back.  
  
"I can't really talk about that," she said her voice a lot calmer than she felt, although he had a point. He nodded his retreat from the subject, and patiently waited for her to continue. "My older son Tobias, was relatively unharmed, physically. I was worried that the terrorists that had killed my daughter might try to come after him, and so I went to great lengths to conceal his entire existence," she looked up at him, "that's why I couldn't tell you any of this before."  
  
"In case we returned to Earth, and I tried to kill him?" Chakotay's voice was still calm, but there was an element of pain within the question, alarmed that she may have thought him capable.  
  
"Not you Chakotay," she placed a hand on his, "but I was afraid that you may mention to someone that my son was alive, and well, you know."  
  
"Your son, Tobias, he's a mutant as well?" he guessed.  
  
She shook her head, "no, my daughter's genetics were only altered for medical purposes initially, Tobias isn't a mutant."  
  
He nodded, clasping her hand in his. "You miss him, don't you, your son Tobias?"  
  
She smiled distantly at him, "yes," she said finally, swallowing back the pain of leaving him.  
  
Chakotay sat a while in stunned silence, it had come as a little of a shock to him, he had never thought of the captain having a child. She had never mentioned having a child, in fact, he was sure that she had denied having children altogether. "Is Mark the father?" although he had never met the man, he didn't like the idea of him, because Kathryn was so loyal to him. Well, almost.  
  
"No," she smiled at the entire prospect, "Justin, I was engaged to him a long time ago, he died when Tobias was four, Tad is nineteen now." She sighed, "there's a lot more to that story, but it's late, and I'm tired, and-"  
  
She was stopped mid sentence; Chakotay had placed a thumb across her lips, and now leaned in to kiss her. She didn't object, and allowed herself to return the kiss. Realising how tense she had been she allowed herself to relax, and in doing so she deepened the kiss. Chakotay's hands explored her body, and hers his. Soon he was on top of her, and lost in the moment he almost didn't realise that she was beginning to undress him.  
  
Suddenly he pulled away, propping himself up on his arms, still on top of her, but his face apart from hers. "What's wrong?" she asked disappointedly.  
  
"Nothing," he smiled, "you know it wouldn't be a problem."  
  
For a moment she looked confused, "what wouldn't be a problem?"

"If you were pregnant," he explained.

She laughed, "I was only joking."  
  
"Yes, but still, it wouldn't," he paused, "thank you, for telling me."  
  
"Thank you for trying to understand." She undid another of his shirt buttons.  
  
"I love you," he said before lowering himself onto her and kissing her again. And in between kisses, he was certain he heard a muffled 'I love you too'.  
  
V  
  
Kathryn blocked those thoughts from her mind, she didn't like to think about New Earth. Closing her eyes briefly she attempted to clear her mind. It didn't work very well though, her thoughts were of Chakotay, and New Earth.  
  
He wouldn't have minded, she told herself with a pang of guilt, but then it would only have made things more complicated, she told herself with another thought.  
  
"Kathryn," Alex's voice brought her back to reality, "we're here," he said.  
  
She looked up, they were outside a building, that looked much like all of the other building on the industrial site. "Is this it?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Alex looked across at Raphael.  
  
"There could be a transporter inside, an underground facility, or a trap," he said.  
  
"Oh great," said Alex, "a trap, just what I've always wanted."  
  
Kathryn and Raphael ignored his reservations and proceed to the front door. Alex stood back briefly, but didn't like the idea of standing by himself in the middle of the night, and so caught up with the other two.

V

End of chapter 8.


	9. Caffeine addiction

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount.  
  
Okay, if the only original invention was the wheel, and the only original question was something like: "What is a wheel and how do I make one?" then everything after is only an improvement. So technically every thought and invention belongs to the person that invented the wheel.  
  
But seriously, paramount does own Star trek voyager, and I'm not disputing that, I'm just saying that, in another dimension.  
  
V  
  
Chapter 9: Caffeine addiction  
  
Felicity came to the door, it was Tad. "Hi," she said, wrapping her wet hair in a towel. She walked further inside her quarters, leaving him at the entrance. He followed her inside, the door closing automatically behind him.  
  
"I was just taking a bath," she said disappearing back into the bathroom. Tad waited outside, sitting himself down on the sofa. Minutes later she re- emerged, hair still wet, but she had changed from her dressing gown to black trousers and a buttoned up white blouse. "What are you doing here?" she asked, "I thought that you were in Switzerland with Kathryn."  
  
"I was," he said, picking up a rock from the table in front of him and studying it. "Hey Tad," he looked up and in a mock high pitch voice, "how are you? What was Cardassia like? I missed you."  
  
"Yeah, so?" she ignored his impression of her lack of enthusiasm and grabbed a comb from her beside table and ran it through her damp, blond hair.  
  
Tad mused at her attitude, "it was hot," he said, "and yeah, before you actually ask, I'm fine."  
  
"Good to hear," she said half heartedly, "can you see my hair dryer anywhere?"  
  
"It's on your bed," he pointed in the direction behind her, she looked round, saw it, and picked it up. "So how's the academy?"  
  
Before she answered she turned the hair dryer on, and began drying her hair. Minutes later she was done, "yeah, it's okay," she walked towards the replicater, "cola, chilled," she said and a glass of cola with a couple of ice cubes in it appeared. "At the moment Admiral Kemp, Alex to you and me, is convinced that someone in the academy is responsible for playing some practical joke on him, the details of which are still to be revealed," she rolled her eyes, "and he is interviewing cadets, so far he has narrowed down the suspects to about twenty of us."  
  
"Of us?" Tad enquired.  
  
"Yeah," Felicity took another sip of her beverage, "he thinks that I may have had something to do with it."  
  
"And do you?"  
  
She gave him an exasperated look, "what do you think?" Tad gave her a look which indicated that he thought that she was responsible, "okay," she lifted a hand, and waved it to one side, "I may have had some- okay, entire influence over the practical joke, that man really needs to take a chill pill."  
  
Tad smirked.  
  
"So what are you doing here anyway, you and Kathryn had an argument or something?" she sat down on the sofa next to him, tucking her legs up beneath her body.  
  
"Came to keep an eye on you," he said.  
  
She raised an eyebrow quizzically, "ah," she eventually nodded, "the whole over-protective-big-brother thing that you do, well, as you can see I'm fine, why are you really here?"  
  
Tad laughed, "you know who you're exactly like don't you," he smiled widely.  
  
"No, but you're going to tell me," she said and finished her glass.  
  
"You know that you're becoming just like mum." Felicity pulled a face which just made him laugh harder, as he had seen his mother pull it so many times.  
  
"Tobias," she scolded as she stood up, "I'm nothing like her," she walked over to the replicater, "cola, chilled," she said for the second time that evening. "I hardly know Kathryn, so how can I be anything like her! Any way, are you going to tell my why you're here before or after you die of laughing?"  
  
"There's just some trouble at the moment, I told Kathryn that I'd come and keep an eye on you, make sure that nothing happens to you." Felicity shrugged, and took another sip of cola.  
  
"Do you think it's genetic?" Tad looked genuinely quizzical.  
  
"What, personality? No I don't," Felicity brushed the idea to one side.  
  
"No," Tad began laughing again, "caffeine addiction," and again she pulled a face which made him double over onto the floor.  
  
V  
  
"The fucking little creep," Alex muttered under his breath as they made their way down another corridor. The corridors all sloped downwards indicating that they were going underground. They had been walking for maybe five minutes, but had not once come across any form of security officer. "It's a trap," Alex whispered so that only Kathryn could hear, "let's just knock him unconscious an get out of here," he nodded in Raphael's direction.  
  
"I heard that," Raphael muttered.  
  
"Oh sorry," Alex said, "I forgot you were a mutant."  
  
"Gentlemen," Kathryn interrupted, feeling that they might start fighting, "could you maybe keep your voices down."  
  
"Kathryn," Alex started in a matter of fact sort of way, "I don't think that they can hear us." And to prove his point he shouted, "Paul, you little fuck-wit, where are you?"  
  
He turned to Kathryn and smiled as if he had proved his point, when an alarm went off. "See what you've done now!" Raphael started.  
  
"Argue later," Kathryn interrupted again, "we had better find somewhere to hide."  
  
V  
  
Chakotay woke again with a start, his body and forehead dripping with sweat. The floor beneath him was cold and hard, and he made to sit up, only to find that his arms gave way when he attempted to use them.  
  
Giving up on trying to sit up, he lay with his back against the floor, calming himself down. He hated waking up in pure darkness, the only consolation was that the room that he was being kept inside was small, so if he stretched any of his limbs out from the position that he was in, he would be able to reach one of the four walls.  
  
Again he tried to sit up, but it wasn't any use, his arms wouldn't take his weight. Come to think of it, his whole body felt like that; unable to support any weight. He could move his limbs, but even when he did, he didn't have total control, his whole body felt heavy and tired.  
  
There was a jolt from the door, and all of a sudden the room was flooded with light, as a reflex action he closed his eyes. "He's in here," said a voice. Chakotay squinted and saw the shadow of a man standing in front of the light. Another figure appeared from behind the first, and became bigger as it came closer.  
  
A shadow was cast over his face as the figure leaned over. Still recovering from the sudden entrance of light, the details of the face remained unclear to him, but he recognised the smell, the sweet fragrance of a familiar perfume. "Chakotay can you hear me?" he recognised Kathryn's voice.  
  
He felt a hand gently touch his face, and gradually the details of her face became clearer. He reached up a hand to touch her, but couldn't find the energy, Kathryn grasped his hand and kissed it. She turned away from him, and towards the other figure, "I think he's been drugged," she said.  
  
"Do you think he can walk?" it was a man's voice.  
  
"Do you?" she asked rhetorically.  
  
"I'll carry him," the figure came closer, as Kathryn stood, and left the room. Chakotay noticed that she carried what looked like a phaser in her hand, and was a little shocked when he saw her lift it, and fire it in a direction to the left of the door.  
  
Chakotay felt his upper body being sat up, and eventually one of his arms was slung over the man's shoulders, and an arm came around to support his upper body. With a swift movement Chakotay was standing, with a huge help from the man. Raphael felt Chakotay's weight increase as he became unconscious, and so readjusted the way he was holding the man, so that he would be able to carry him more successfully.  
  
He heard firing from outside the room, and so took his own phaser from it's holster on his hip in one hand, and walked cautiously to the entrance of the cell. "It's clear," he heard Alex shout, and so made his way out of the room.  
  
V

End of chapter 9.

Okay, these speculations that Raphael is a pimp have been going on way too long. No, he's not a pimp, I don't even know where that idea came from.  
  
When I say mutant, I'm not talking about the X men type of mutant, although that would be a good plot line- but, anyway, I'm talking about Bashir (can't spell his name), the doctor from DS9. That type of mutant, genetic enhancement sort of thing.  
  
Thanks for reading and reviewing, and reading and reviewing, it's really interesting for me to know what you're thinking as I go along. 


	10. More revelations

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. I would write something vaguely witty but I really can't be bothered.  
  
This chapter I have spent the most time editing out of all of the chapters so far, because the conversation with Janeway and Chakotay needed a lot of work on it. I'm still not completely happy with it, but I'm probably not going to do any more work on the main structure of this chapter because it may drive me insane.  
  
V  
  
Chapter 10: Revelations  
  
Kathryn paced from one side of the waiting room to the other, agitated, and finding it unable to sit still. She couldn't stand waiting like this, it was her fault that Chakotay had been taken, the guilt she would feel if she lost him like this. Shut up! She told herself, he's going to be fine. But still she paced the waiting room.  
  
Raphael walked in with a mug, he approached Kathryn and handed it to her. She gave him a weak smile, "thank you," she said, "not just for the coffee."  
  
"No need to thank me," he sat down, "I'm just happy you're not still giving me the cold shoulder."  
  
"Only because I'm too worried about my best friend to be angry with you," she quipped.  
  
He nodded, looking down at the floor. She continued pacing, drinking coffee as she did so.  
  
"Have you seen Flic since you came back?" he asked.  
  
She stopped pacing, and almost glared at Raphael, but relaxed a little before she spoke, "yes," she sipped some more coffee, "we had lunch some weeks ago," pausing slightly she continued, "but it was like having lunch with a complete stranger- we are strangers to one another! She can hardly remember me, and she's grown so much since I last saw her that I wouldn't have known it was her if it wasn't for the pictures my mother sent me."  
  
Raphael again looked at the floor, not liking the fact that he was to blame for Kathryn hardly knowing her daughter. "She would often ask about you." he started.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it," Kathryn interjected.  
  
"We're going have to some time you know," Raphael pointed out, his voice a little harsher than he meant it, but he was getting frustrated with Kathryn's evasion of the subject. A Borg cube and responsibility of a star ship for seven years she could handle, but as soon as it became personal.  
  
"Okay then," Kathryn started a little impatiently, "what do you want to say? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to forgive you?"  
  
"Kathryn don't be like this." he stood from his seat and tried to reason with her.  
  
She cut him off "do you want me to apologise? Okay, I'm sorry that I never loved you, I'm sorry that you took my daughter away from me, I'm sorry that I ever had anything to do with you-"  
  
"Are you?" he closed the distance between them in a single stride. She pulled herself up to her full height, and managed to stretch a little extra, and looked up into his face. "Are you sorry that you ever had anything to do with me?" his voice was quiet and gentle, she felt his hand gently hold her upper arm, but didn't reject it. "It wasn't all bad you know," he tilted his head as she relaxed a little in his grasp. Slowly he moved his hand to rest on her waist, and moved his body closer to her own.  
  
"Raphael," she said in a quiet, husky voice realising that he was trying to seduce her, "it wouldn't work," she swallowed back years of memories of being with the man in front of her, remembering his touch, his kiss, how well they had worked together, and the look that he used to give her, telling her that he would follower her anywhere. "I don't hate you like I did when I found out," she rested a hand on his chest, putting a little distance between them both, "but I don't love you either," she looked up at him, waiting for a response.  
  
"And I never loved you enough to make it work," he nodded, understanding what she was saying. He released her and walked over to a seat, "if Chakotay ever hurts you in anyway," he said eventually, "I can easily get him killed, all you have to do it ask."  
  
Kathryn laughed, "I won't, but thanks anyway," she walked over to the seat next to him and sat herself down.  
  
"Admiral Paris is going to have a fit when he gets in this morning," Raphael leaned back in his chair.  
  
"The thing about being an admiral is," Kathryn smiled for the first time in a while, "a court-martial means a captaincy in most cases, which isn't too bad."  
  
Raphael smiled also, "unless you get chucked thousands of light years away from home," he pointed out.  
  
Kathryn was about to say something more when the door opened. Speak of the devil, they both turned to see Admiral Paris standing in the door way.  
  
"Owen," Kathryn said with a start. He didn't look too happy.  
  
He glared at her, "mind telling me why you couldn't have waited for authorisation?" he asked, crossing his arms.  
  
"Authorisation would have taken days, we needed to get Chakotay out of there quickly."  
  
"And because of your rashness," Paris came close to bellowing, "a terrorist, that intelligence has been looking for, for close to twenty years has escaped."  
  
"With all due respect Admiral," Kathryn didn't like being undermined, not even by her mentor, "he was long gone by the time we entered the facility, a few days to get authorisation would have given him more time to find out that we planned to raid the facility, and more time to escape."  
  
"Admiral," Paris was still angry, "I could quite easily have you court- martialled."  
  
Kathryn was about to retort, when the door opened again, they all looked round, this time to see a doctor standing in the doorway. "How is he?" Kathryn asked quickly, walking towards the man.  
  
"Stable," the doctor answered her, the two of them left the waiting room, leaving Owen Paris a little gob smacked a having being forgotten about, and Raphael sitting tensely knowing that he was next to feel the Admiral's wrath.  
  
They began to walk down the corridor. "It's dangerous to initiate MRT after so many years," doctor Urwin began to explain, "but I think he should be fine."  
  
"Should be?" Kathryn started.  
  
"There's a chance that he could go into shock. I wouldn't recommend suppressing his memories again. I've had to finish off the job that someone already started, he's already regained the majority of his suppressed memories, but he is understandably confused at the moment." The doctor paused outside a door, "I understand that you may have been apart of many of the memories he has regained."  
  
"Yes," she said rather defensively.  
  
"Then his best chance, is if you reassure him that he isn't going mad," the doctor smiled.  
  
Kathryn nodded, but didn't say anything. Doctor Urwin pushed the door that they were standing by open, and they walked inside.  
  
The room was white, as many rooms in intelligence often where. Medical equipment lay randomly around, and a console stood near to the centre of the room at the bottom end of a bed. In the bed Kathryn saw Chakotay lying unconscious. Even in such a fragile state he still appeared strong and in control. His eyes moved beneath his eyelids to indicate that he was dreaming, Kathryn's immediate instinct was go to him, but she restrained himself.  
  
"He's asleep," the doctor stated the obvious, "but, maybe you would like to stay with him for a while, talk to him if he wakes."  
  
Kathryn nodded vaguely that she had heard him, before the doctor left the room. She immediately made towards the bed, and sat down by his side, taking one of his hands in her own and squeezing it gently.  
  
Almost immediately Chakotay woke. "How are you?" she asked softly, moving herself closer to him.  
  
Slowly he looked around the room, "where am I?" he asked, finally returning his gaze to her.  
  
"You're in hospital," she said, purposely not mentioning that it was an intelligence hospital.  
  
Chakotay propped himself up onto his elbows, eventually leaning against his headboard for support. "How long have I been here?"  
  
"Six hours or so," Kathryn smiled at him, but he didn't return the smile.  
  
He nodded slowly, "what happened?" he asked an inevitable question.  
  
She looked away from him, and then sighed heavily. "It's a long story," she place a hand on his, but he realised that she was purposefully being evasive and wasn't going to give up that easily.  
  
"I'm not exactly going anywhere," he pointed out.  
  
She nodded accepting her defeat. "Thirteen years ago, while I was on vacation, on a shuttle, I ran into some trouble. I was distracted at the con, and I'm not sure exactly what happened, as I wasn't in the room at the time, but when I went back there, there was a terrorist lying on the floor unconscious. When the man came to, it was discovered that his entire memory had been swiped, and in my rashness to find out what had happened I used a process called MRT on him," she swallowed hard, "memory revival therapy is not suitable for all people, and as a result the man was left permanently brain damaged. That man was the brother of a very lethal terrorist, Paul, or at least that's one of his alias'.  
  
"This process of MRT was used on me?" Chakotay asked.  
  
Kathryn nodded, "Paul hoped that you might also be left brain damaged if he used MRT on you, as some sort of poetic justice for my mistake. Fortunately it doesn't seem to have done that."  
  
Chakotay cut in, "so, they're real?" he looked deeply at her, "these memories that I suddenly have."  
  
"About New Earth?"  
  
"Yes. They're real," she confirmed for him.  
  
Chakotay looked away from her, "what did you do to me?" she could tell that he was in pain from what she had done, even though his voice didn't show it.  
  
"I suppressed your memories of what happened between the two of us on the planet, and adjusted your memories so that you wouldn't know that we had ever been intimate."  
  
"Why?" this time the hurt and disappointment in his voice came through much clearer.  
  
"I didn't know what else to do," she tried to defend her actions, "I knew that a relationship between the two of us on voyager would never work, and it would have been too awkward to go back to voyager and go on as if nothing had happened."  
  
"So you erased my memories to make it easier for yourself!" His voice had an edge to it. He was usually very calm and collect, but there had been times on voyager when he would become aggressive in his views, or approach to people he felt were a threat. It was one of the things that had first attracted her to him; he was emotionally available, but strong and confident, which made him well respected by both Starfleet and Marquis crews. It annoyed her though when he would impose any form of authority on her; stopped her from doing something, or made clear his objections to her actions. But at the same time she respected him for doing so.  
  
Realising, that he may begin to lose his calm exterior, she tried to sooth him. She touched his arm but he pulled it away, "I'm sorry," she said, realising that there was no defence for her actions.  
  
Chakotay collected himself, calming himself down, not wanting to lose his temper with her. He didn't like to argue with Kathryn, and realised, that arguing wouldn't solve anything anyway. So he concentrated on his own breathing, as he did so often while meditating. "Have I got any more suppressed memories?" he asked, calmly, but without looking at her.  
  
"No," she said, "memory retrieval therapy exposes all suppressed memories, although there are certain memory suppressing methods that can deceive the therapy, but that time on New Earth was the only time that I altered any of your memories."  
  
He sighed heavily, she had no reason to lie to him now, it was all out in the open anyway. Chakotay smiled a little spite himself, when he thought that all of those years he had dreamt of being with Kathryn, when he had actually had a relationship with her, but just couldn't remember it. It hurt to think that she didn't want him to remember their relationship on New Earth, didn't trust him enough even, to allow him to keep his own memories. He was so angry with her, but in some strange way he understood why she had done what she had done, although he didn't agree with it.  
  
"You said that you had a son," he recounted in his head what she had said to him on New Earth.  
  
"Yes, Tobias," she smiled, a little relieved that she wouldn't have to tell him all over again.  
  
"You were on vacation with Tobias and your daughter when this incident happened, your daughter was killed." Suddenly he wanted reassurance that everything that he could remember was true.  
  
She nodded slowly, "we don't have to talk about that now," it was a decision not a suggestion.  
  
What Paul had said to him still haunted him. He didn't want to believe it, but a large part of him did. "Paul said some things to me while I was captive, I'm not sure if he was trying to wind me up, by playing mind games, but I have to ask."  
  
"Yes," she encouraged him to say what was troubling him, although she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion at what it could be.  
  
"He said that, a while after we had returned to voyager from New Earth, you found out that you were pregnant. He says that there are medical logs showing that you had an abortion." He knew the answer before she said anything, he knew her well enough to realise that.  
  
She looked away from him and nodded slowly, "I didn't know at the time I altered your memories, I found out some weeks later. If I had have known-."  
  
"But voyager came first!" his voice suddenly hard and blunt.  
  
She looked back round at him, and seeing the hurt in his face she almost cried, but years of training had taught her to control emotions, to bury them, and deal with them at a more convenient time. Years aboard voyager had taught her how to do that. She suddenly resented voyager for what she had become, and what she had done, for forcing her to make such decisions.  
  
"I think that you should go," Chakotay was unpleasant in the way he said it, but restrained, as if he felt like saying a lot more on the matter.  
  
Unlike herself, Kathryn nodded and got up from the side of his bed. With a last look at him she left the room, they both knew that their brief relationship was over.  
  
V

End of chapter 10.

I'm not going to get into a debate over pro-life and pro-choice, I'm a writer not a politician, this is what I've written and I'm sorry if you don't like it.  
  
Thanks again for reading. 


	11. Farm boy

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. But paramount does not own my imagination so I think that I just might use it.  
  
Authors note: I've brought in some characters from voyager because I missed them, and thought that they should have an appearance. Can anyone remember that episode in the first series, called 'heroes and demons'? Well, anyway, the whole episode was about Harry, and Harry had like a two word line: 'what happened?', LMAO at that.  
  
.  
  
Chapter 11: The adventures of farm boy  
  
(Two weeks later)  
  
Outside it was dark, none of the stars could be seen as they had been blocked out by the clouds close to four hours before. There was another blinding flash of light which entered the room, exposing two figures sitting either side of the table, one with his back to the window, the other facing the window. The lightening was followed seconds later by a rumble the seemed to fill the entire planet, although it was just that city and a few villages and towns outside.  
  
The room was on the top level of a skyscraper, which stood competing with dozens of other skyscrapers, each trying to assert their own authority over the sky in a silent contest. As usual all of the lights on the top level were out, he didn't like light, neither did Paul, so neither complained.  
  
"A narrow escape," chuckled Obi leaning back in his chair. His was a large man, and made an impression on all those he met, whether they knew who he was or not.  
  
Paul shook his head, not at all intimidated by the man, "I would hardly call it narrow," he spat out, "intelligence agents are like bulls in a china shop," the joke wasn't meant to be funny, but as more of an insult, but Obi chuckled again anyway.  
  
"Never under estimate the enemy," he pointed out something which was often said, but less often listened to. Paul wasn't listening. He sobered, the pleasantries were over, it was down to business; "you said that you had information for me?" he stared in Paul's direction.  
  
Paul stared back defiantly because he could. "Yes," he hissed, "Recovering the commander's lost memories wasn't a total waste of time."  
  
"But it didn't go as planned," Obi pointed out, "again Paul you have let me down, I give you much freedom to do as you wish, and what do you do? You let slip your plans to Raphael Correlli of all people."  
  
"I didn't realise that it was him, he is supposed to be dead you know."  
  
Obi didn't like being interrupted, "again Paul, you have underestimated the enemy, and as a result I have lost my only facility left in San Francisco, and lost three of my best people. Do you enjoy hurting me in this way farm boy, or are you oblivious to the pain that you cause me?"  
  
Paul hated it when Obi made everything about himself, it was obvious that Obi was in no mental pain at all towards the loss of the facility or his people, but making it personal made it very hard for you to say anything against your own mistakes. Bitterly Paul apologised. "So," Obi smiled, "you say that you have information that I may find interesting?"  
  
Clenching his teeth he nodded, "but I want another team," he stated.  
  
"A want is a pointless thing farm boy," Obi somewhat found it humorous that Paul had been brought up on a farm. "But you are a pointless person, so if that's all you want, I'll put you in charge of a base of Vulcan, the only draw back to this is that you will not be able to spend another three years sitting in a dark room with only a computer for company, you may actually have to venture out."  
  
Restraining himself from leaping across the table and shoving numerous pieces of stationary in numerous parts of Obi's body Paul nodded, somewhat stiffly. "While talking to Chakotay about his recovered memories, he said that Kathryn's son Tobias was still alive."  
  
Obi nodded, putting a hand to his chin, "I thought that he died thirteen years ago with his sister?"  
  
"I've been tracking a man for the last two years, very intriguing, at first I was thinking of getting him to join the alliance, but after a character assessment I thought better than approaching him. I later discovered that he made frequent visits to many of Janeway's family and friends." Paul smiled as he knew that Obi was interested in what he was saying, "I thought that it might be her son, but I wasn't sure until Chakotay said that Tobias was still alive."  
  
Obi smiled wickedly at the revelation, "so Justin's only son is still alive," he repeated to himself, with some satisfaction, what Paul had just told him.  
  
"May I ask something?" Paul broke Obi from his musings.  
  
"No, but you're going to anyway."  
  
"What was your fascination with the two children? I never quite understood, or now understand."  
  
Again Obi chuckled to himself, "You don't do you?" he said.  
  
.  
  
(six weeks later, set about six months after end game, about two months after chapter 10, give or take a few weeks here and there)  
  
"So where's the captain?" Harry asked, "I guess I should say admiral now though."  
  
Tom smiled, "you can call her captain if you like Harry," he patronised in a joking way. Harry smiled sarcastically at his best friend, "but the rest of us are going to call her Kathryn."  
  
"It's weird though; calling her Kathryn after so many years of addressing her as captain," Harry admitted.  
  
"Harry, get a grip, captains do have names you know," Tom was quite in touch with the way that rank somehow demoted your personal life, his father had been a senior officer within Starfleet for as long as he could remember, and was quite prepared to stop calling Kathryn, captain. If that does make any sense at all.  
  
Miral made a gurgling noise, and the two men turned to see her blow a bubble. Tom smiled at his wife and baby, but quickly returned to his conversation with Harry, "you'll just have to get used to it," he finalised.  
  
Harry was about to say something more, but didn't, as he had remembered his original question. "So where is the captain anyway?"  
  
"I spoke to her," B'Elanna came in on the conversation, they both turned, a little surprised to know that she had been listening, but in a good way. "She seemed quite positive about a small get together, but made some lame excuse for not coming. Personally I think that her and Chakotay have had a falling out."  
  
"Do you think?" asked Harry in a concerned tone.  
  
"Don't be stupid, she wouldn't let some little falling out come between seeing us and a little bit of awkwardness between herself and Chakotay," Tom dismissed the idea.  
  
"Maybe it wasn't a little falling out," Harry turned worriedly to B'Elanna, "has Chakotay said anything to you?"  
  
"Not really," she admitted, "but when I asked if he was free to come and get together with us, it was only when I mentioned that Kathryn was unable to make it that he agreed to come. And don't forget all of that time that no one could contact him. I think something's up."  
  
"Are you two winding me up?" Harry looked from friend to friend, remembering the times that they had convinced him that the captain had found a way home. He wasn't going to let them get him this time, but he quickly realised that they weren't joking.  
  
"I wish I was." B'Elanna broke off as a man approach the table, "Chakotay," she beamed broadly at him, she was about to get up to hug him, but quickly realised that Miral was on her lap, and so stayed sitting. Chakotay leaned over and half hugged her, while she sat.  
  
Before he sat himself he quickly exchanged handshakes with Harry and Tom. "How are you all?" he asked the group.  
  
"Yes, we're fine," B'Elanna dismissed quickly, "how are you?" she asked, "what happened all those weeks ago when no one could contact you for ages?"  
  
"I needed some time to clear my head," he told a half truth, and then exchanged a look with B'Elanna which indicated that he may give her a better idea of what happened later on, when the two of them could talk alone.  
  
"Is it true?" Harry couldn't help himself.  
  
"What?" Chakotay asked as Harry received a warning glare from B'Elanna and an elbow in the ribs from Tom.  
  
Harry gave Tom a brief glare, "oh nothing," he said eventually, holding his ribs.  
  
"Now he's going to be wandering for the rest of the evening what you were about to ask!" B'Elanna scolded him. "We're all wandering what's happened between you and Kathryn."  
  
"That obvious is it?" Chakotay couldn't be bothered to deny it, probably the whole crew from voyager were gossiping about it.  
  
"Yes," the three of them said in unison.  
  
"I'd rather not talk about it," he admitted, "it's a long story, and it's private, between me and Kathryn." Although he was still angry with her, he didn't want to cause any trouble, ruin a secret that she had kept for over five years.  
  
"Any way," Harry turned back to Chakotay, "I thought that you were taking the captaincy aboard the new voyager, what happened about that?"  
  
Chakotay shrugged, "I just decided that I needed time to think about what I'm going to do with my life, instead of plunging into another mission."  
  
Although B'Elanna believed him, she had a feeling that there was something more to it, but for the time she chose not to say anything.  
  
"It doesn't seem right though," Harry broke out, "that someone other than you or the captain, I mean admiral, okay Kathryn then, I give up. Should sit in the command chair for voyager, a complete stranger, someone that was never there for all of voyager's triumphs and losses."  
  
"Are you hinting that you want the ship?" Chakotay asked with a smirk on his face.  
  
Harry become suddenly very defensive, "no, no! I just don't like the idea of a complete stranger flying the ship."  
  
Everyone laughed, and eventually Harry joined.  
  
"Who else is coming?" Chakotay asked after the laughter had died down.  
  
"Seven said she should be able to make it," B'Elanna answered, "but she didn't say definitely, the doctor said that he would try and fit us in to his busy schedule," there were some small laughs from Harry and Tom, "so he'll try and make an entrance in ten minutes or so." This time every one laughed.  
  
"I give him five," said Tom, "he can't hold out hiding behind one of these shops much longer, with only a triquarder mapping the life signs at this table for company."  
  
"We do not question the doctor's ways," said Chakotay smiling for the first time in a while.  
  
Just as everyone was finally settling down, the doctor appeared, only to make their sides split farther. "Is there a reason that every one should start laughing the moment I appear?" the doctor looked concerned.  
  
"No doc," Tom said, almost pissing himself, "you're just a funny sort of guy."  
  
Realising that he wasn't going to get any sort of answer out of any of them, he sat down rather irritably, only to have some friendly slaps on his back from his friends.  
  
Soon after the doctor had attempted to make an entrance Seven and Icheb arrived and sat down with everyone.  
  
"Me and Chakotay will go and get the drinks from the bar," said B'Elanna, standing up from the table, "what do you all want?"  
  
They began to give her a list of what drinks they wanted, and it was amusing to listen as B'Elanna asked Tom again if he was sure that he wanted to order that alcoholic drink, again and again until he finally gave up and asked for a lemonade.  
  
"I'll go with you," Harry naïvely offered.  
  
"No, it's okay," B'Elanna glared, "me and Chakotay can manage."  
  
Harry got the hint that she wanted to talk to Chakotay separately, and kept quiet. Chakotay also realising the very unsubtle tact got up and smiled at the others, "we'll be back soon," he said walking off with B'Elanna.  
  
Once they were out of ear shot of the others they began talking. "So what's happened?" B'Elanna asked.  
  
"Between me and Kathryn?"  
  
"Yes between you and Kathryn, who else?"  
  
He smiled weakly, "as I've said It's a long story."  
  
"Don't give me that bull, and tell me what happened."  
  
Knowing Klingon tempers, and realising that he needed to talk to someone about it he sighed heavily. "Remember that time over five years ago when me and Kathryn were stranded on that planet for a little over two months?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, how can I forget, I almost went insane taking orders from Tuvok."  
  
He smiled, "Yeah, I can see how that could really affect someone," he half joked, but carried on, "well, it seems that me and Kathryn had an intimate relationship while on the planet."  
  
"You make it sound like you can't remember," B'Elanna pointed out hesitantly.  
  
"I couldn't," he admitted, "she altered my memory of the entire affair just before voyager came for us."  
  
"Seriously!" B'Elanna was shocked, she steered him to a corner so that they could talk without being eaves dropped on.  
  
Chakotay nodded, "I only found out about it three months ago. Kathryn and I became intimate again, and I began to regain my memories of New Earth," he purposely left out the bit about Paul, thinking that it was best if he didn't tell B'Elanna everything.  
  
"Why would she alter your memories?" B'Elanna didn't want to believe that the captain would have done something like that, especially to Chakotay.  
  
"Because voyager always came first to her," he replied bitterly.  
  
"And that's what the two of you have fallen out about?" her tone concerned, and still a little shocked at having learnt of what the captain had done.  
  
Chakotay nodded, "yes," and paused briefly before saying: "but that's not what topped it," but as the words came out his mouth, he thought that maybe telling B'Elanna everything about why they had fallen out would be a bad idea, and so didn't go on.  
  
"So are you going to tell me what topped it?" B'Elanna was getting a little impatient.  
  
"I'm not sure if I should." Chakotay finally realised, that although B'Elanna was trustworthy, she did often gossip.  
  
"Chakotay," she reassured him, "this is me you're talking to, and besides, it's obviously upsetting you, it seems that you disappeared for a month after all of this, I think that you ought to tell someone, i.e. me," she forcefully prompted.  
  
He studied her for a while, going through a silent debate in his mind. Finally he decided that he might as well tell her. "A while after we returned to voyager she found out that she was pregnant," he hesitated before continuing "so she had an abortion," and then to confirm it, "she killed my child!" his voice frustrated and in pain.  
  
B'Elanna put a hand of his shoulder, not knowing what else to say. She had often admired the captain for taking the pressure of a ship so well, but now her mind was disgusted at what Kathryn had done to Chakotay and their unborn child.  
  
.  
  
Don't ask why the title is the adventures of farm boy, because I really don't know. 


	12. Cruising for a bruising

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. If fish could speak though they would have told Lord Paramount that their ending to the TV series sucked and that Chakotay and Janeway belong together.  
  
A note to paramount:  
  
Remember:  
  
C/7 bad shakes head  
  
J/C good nods head  
  
Chapter 12: Cruising for a bruising  
  
B'Elanna was one of his most trusted friends. There was a time when he thought that he would be able to tell Kathryn anything, to confide in her anything that was troubling him or on his mind, but now even the possibility of such a thing would not even enter his thoughts. B'Elanna and Chakotay had returned to the table in silence, and remained quite silent for the duration of dinner. Tom would probably ask B'Elanna what her and Chakotay had talked about once they were alone, but Chakotay was confident that she would not tell him.  
  
Seven and Chakotay had stayed in contact since they had broken up, but it was the first time since the 'welcome home' banquet that they had actually spoken face to face. He was surprised at how he had no feelings towards her, no thoughts of if only he had done this or that, or of resentment. It was a good feeling to have that kind of closure, but then when he thought about it, it was never as if they had been in love, and so there weren't any deep feelings that had been formed or broken since they split.  
  
His break up with Kathryn had shaken him quite deeply though. Once he had been let out of the hospital he felt numb. It was the first time, in a long time, that he had had such a feeling; the emotions that he had been put through over those weeks had shaken him, not changed him, but he felt empty. Suddenly the idea of captaining Voyager seemed wrong, and one of the first things that he did was to tell Starfleet to find another Captain for the position. He was no longer sure of his feelings towards Kathryn, he had spent so many years loving her, and then when she began to return that love he found out what had happened on New Earth and felt betrayed by her.  
  
So he had packed a bag, gotten on a transport ship and left. He didn't know exactly where he was going, but for the first time in Seven years he did not want to be on Earth, he didn't want to return to his home planet either, so he travelled until he found a recently colonized moon that was rich in an untouched landscape. There, he had explored by himself, something that he had not done for many years. He spent much of his time meditating, and after some time he managed to clear his mind and sort out his life from inside of his head.  
  
Chakotay approached the bar. It had been bugging him all evening, he was sure that it was him, but wasn't sure that he should speak to him, just in case it wasn't. In the end he decided that he would go over and speak to him, being careful not to drop any hint of how he might know the man, just in case the resemblance was just coincidence. The man looked up at him, "do I know you?" Chakotay asked, watching the man's face to give him the answer.  
  
The man looked back down at the book he was reading, "take a seat, and don't talk too loudly," he instructed. Hearing the man's voice, and watching his reaction made it blatantly obvious to him that it was the same man that had helped rescue him from the facility.  
  
Chakotay sat on a stall at the bar, looking about. He saw B'Elanna and the others talking intensely amongst themselves, and so thought that there couldn't be any harm in sitting down for a quick chat. "You helped me out of that place I was being held in," he wasn't guessing, but was now thinking twice about approaching the man. "I just wanted to say thank you."  
  
Raphael nodded, "don't thank me, I do that kind of thing everyday," he said, with out taking his eyes off the page that he was reading. Finally he looked up, "my name's Raphael Correlli," he introduced himself at last, "I work for intelligence."  
  
"Nice to meet you," Chakotay tried a friendly approach.  
  
Finally he looked up from his book, placed a book mark in-between the pages and placed it on the bar table. "You ever met her son?" Raphael lifted his glass and took a drink.  
  
"Kathryn's," Chakotay was a little taken aback by the question, "no, I only found out about him over two months ago."  
  
"He's a great kid," Raphael went on, "from what I've heard of you, you'd probably get on with him quite well. He's a great judge of character, a lot like his mother, he takes people as individuals, not groups." Raphael paused, "he hates me, and if you knew why you would hate me too."  
  
"Why does he hate you?"  
  
"Long story," he pushed the question to one side, "but if you hurt Kathryn he will hold it against you for a very long time."  
  
"What are you trying to say?"  
  
Raphael paused, "I'm not exactly sure what you two broke up about, I don't really want to know either, but I know that Kathryn loves you. Have you ever thought that maybe while your hurting from what ever she did, maybe she's hurting from you totally avoiding her?"  
  
"I don't see that this is any of your business," Chakotay was about to get up from the stool.  
  
Raphael put a hand of Chakotay's shoulder, his grip was strong and Chakotay knew that it may take a lot of force to remove the hand from his shoulder, which may or may not result in a fight, but he wasn't willing to take the risk. Chakotay gave Raphael a fierce look, but remained sitting. "What I'm trying to say," Raphael said in a retrained voice, "I let Kathryn go and I have never forgiven myself, you still have a chance with her, don't screw it up. What ever happened, is it really worth losing her for?"  
  
"You're right," said Chakotay as he stood, "you don't know why we broke up." Without any further exchange of words he left to join his friends at the table.

V  
  
(Two weeks later)  
  
Chakotay made his way up the gravel path towards the house, he wasn't even sure that she would be there, he wasn't even sure if this was the right house. Getting closer to the house with light blaring out of the windows, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go there at all. Well he had come this far, he told himself, it was probably too late to turn back now anyway.  
  
He went up to the door and rang the bell. The house was several hundred years old, it had once been a farm house, but there was no longer a farm that was run from the house. He remembered stories that Kathryn had told him about her life in Indiana, although they were usually of how her parents had forced her to do something that they knew she hated, he knew that to some degree she was glad that she had done them. He thought of ringing the bell a second time when he heard a sliding of a lock, and saw the handle go down.  
  
"Hello," enquired an older woman.  
  
This was the right house, he decided, the woman had to be Kathryn's mother Gretchen. Chakotay noticed how alike she was to Kathryn, and shared even more of a resemblance to the Admiral Janeway that had brought voyager back home. He smiled at her, "hi," he greeted her, "I'm here on the off chance that Kathryn is here."  
  
The woman studied Chakotay, then smiled at him, "you must be Chakotay?"  
  
"Yes," obviously Kathryn had mentioned him to her.  
  
"I'm her embracing old mother Gretchen," she introduced her self, her smile faded briefly, "I'll just go and get her," she said, disappearing back inside.  
  
It seemed for ever that Chakotay was waiting at the door, there was some kind of hold up, and he began to think that he'd be standing by the door forever. Eventually he heard distinct footsteps approaching the door. The door swung open, Kathryn stood in front of him, looking very puzzled. "Chakotay!" she exclaimed, before walking out onto the porch, leaving the door a jar, "what are you doing here?"  
  
"I just needed to speak with you," he replied.  
  
She furrowed her eyebrows, "about what? Has something happened?"  
  
"No," he smiled a little, "I just thought that we should talk."  
  
She grabbed him by the elbow, and took him down the short steps that led up to the front door, letting go of him, she walked in a direction to the side of the house, he followed automatically. "You came to talk!" she didn't sound to happy, "after you've been ignoring all of my calls for the past two and a half months, doing everything possible to avoid me, and you come here to my mother's house totally unexpected, without any warning, to talk!"  
  
"Yes," he admitted, "is this a bad time?" he asked as they both sat down on a bench.  
  
"A little," she admitted, getting over the shock of having Chakotay suddenly appear at her front door. "How did you know I was here?"  
  
"Tuvok hinted that you might be," he shrugged.  
  
"Out of all the people that you think you can trust to keep it quiet," she smiled a little, as she half joked, and was half annoyed that Tuvok had said where she was, especially to Chakotay.  
  
"If it's a bad time then I can come back later," he offered, standing from the bench.  
  
"No," she slouched back on the bench, "I'm glad for the break," he looked at her as if to ask what she meant, and so went on to explain, "family squabble, I guess I should thank you, you saved me from the vultures that can be my family."  
  
Chakotay laughed lightly, sitting back down. "Family squabble, who else is here?"  
  
"My sister Phoebe amongst others," she relaxed slightly, "so what did you want to talk about?"  
  
"I'm not sure really," he said facing her, then breathed deeply, "I guess, once I stopped hating you, I realised that I still love you, even after everything. To be honest I'm not exactly sure why I'm here, I just didn't like the way that we parted-" he trailed off and looked away, "maybe I just want some sort of closure, pick up the pieces of what's left of our friendship, or maybe-" he looked across at her deeply, his eyes locking with hers, "maybe try again at a relationship with you."  
  
She looked down, "do you think that we could do that, after everything that has happened?"  
  
"I don't know," he paused, "but what I do know is that I think about you constantly, and I love you more than I have any other woman. We have something, and if I let it go with out at least trying, I don't think that I would ever forgive myself."  
  
He waited for her reply but she still looked away from him, at the house in front. Slowly she turned and he saw that she had tears in her eyes, he smiled faintly at her, bringing his hand up to her cheek where he wiped away a tear with his thumb. He moved his body closer to hers, putting an arm around her, "you'd think a Starfleet Admiral should be able to control her emotions," she joked.  
  
"I think this time an exception can be made," he softly retorted. "Who's Raphael?" he asked at last.  
  
He felt Kathryn take a deep breath, "ex-husband," she said almost casually, "irreconcilable differences."  
  
"What was so irreconcilable?"  
  
"A year of non-stop arguing and two affairs later we were filing for divorce," she shrugged.  
  
"He cheated on you?"  
  
Kathryn looked a little guilty, "not him, no," she shook her head.  
  
Their conversation was disrupted by the sound of the front door swinging open, they looked up to see a figure walk out onto the porch. Slowly the figure made it's way in their direction. Chakotay could see it was a young man, maybe in his twenties. Although it was getting dark, he could still make out his dark brown hair getting lighter at the edges, and hansom face. Kathryn disentangled herself from Chakotay and stood. "Dinner's just been served," he told Kathryn with a semi-strong British accent.  
  
"Okay," Kathryn nodded, "Tad, this is Chakotay," Chakotay stood and smiled at Kathryn's son, "Chakotay, this is my son Tobias." She introduced them both.  
  
Politely they both shock hands, "nice to finally put a face to the name," his smile friendly and genuine. "Um, if you want you can stay for dinner, it's my sister's birthday, but she won't care." Realising the look that Chakotay gave Kathryn he decided that it was best to make an exit, "I have no, 'none lame excuse' to get out of this situation, so I think that I'll just go," and he walked quickly away from the two of them.  
  
Once he had disappeared back inside the house Chakotay decided to speak, "Sister?" he questioned.  
  
She shook her head, "like so many things it's a very long story. I'll explain after dinner." she promised, "That is if you want to stay for dinner?"  
  
"I think I'd better if I'm ever going to get the full story off of you," he smiled. Grabbing him by the hand she lead him towards the door to the house.  
  
As soon as he stepped into the house, he realised how cold it had been outside. He heard voices and people laughing from the other end of the house, and they became louder as they walked through the hallway.  
  
She lead him through into the dining room, with a large wooden table in the centre. Most of them looked round when they both entered, "you'd think they'd never seen a marquis before," she muttered to him under her breath. "Everyone this is Chakotay," she introduced him, "he was my first officer from voyager." She went on to introduce the rest of the table, "You've already met Alex Kemp," Chakotay nodded, "these are two of his sons Luke and Riley," she pointed out a young man the same age as Tad and a much younger one of about ten. "My sister Phoebe, her husband David, and my niece Jessica," she pointed out a young girl sitting on Phoebe's lap.  
  
"Nice to finally meet you," Phoebe smiled.  
  
Kathryn looked round, "where's Flic?"  
  
"Her boyfriend just called to say happy birthday," Luke told her, "she'll be ages," he added.  
  
Tad and Kathryn's mother Gretchen emerged from the kitchen with plates and bowls of food. They set them down on the table, as Kathryn indicated a seat for Chakotay to sit at. "You're vegetarian as well aren't you?" Gretchen asked Chakotay.  
  
"Yes," he answered. "As well?" he turned to Kathryn.  
  
"Tad," she answered quickly.  
  
Just as she said his name he could hear her son calling for Felicity to come down for dinner. Within moments a young woman appeared at the dining room door. Kathryn summoned her daughter over, "Chakotay, this is my daughter Felicity."  
  
"It's nice to meet you Felicity," Chakotay was almost taken aback by how much she looked like Kathryn, but smiled pleasantly.  
  
"Please call me Flic, people only call me Felicity when they're telling me off or cruising for a bruising," Gretchen coughed, "or they happen to be called Grams," she laughed. Her accent, Chakotay noted, was very much American, unlike Tad's own British accent.  
  
Again Felicity smiled and walked over to her place at the table.  
  
Chakotay turned to Kathryn, "how old is she?" he asked.  
  
"Twenty at five o'clock this morning," Kathryn pulled a face, "I was up all night giving birth to her," she added.  
  
"Tobias is twenty five?"  
  
"Twenty four-"  
  
"And a half," Tad added, grinning broadly.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Kathryn began with mock sarcasm, "I wrote the invitations for this conversation and I can't remember your name being down."  
  
Tad shook his head, "I shouldn't need an invitation, I'm your only son and favourite child," he said loud enough for Felicity to hear.  
  
"I am here you know!" Felicity punched her brother playfully in the upper arm.  
  
"Felicity are you really going to eat all of that?" Gretchen's voice broke their conversation. Everyone looked over at where Felicity was sitting, and saw a plate piled with food.  
  
"Relax Grams, if I can't manage it all Tad'll eat it, won't you Tad?" she looked to her brother for support.  
  
"No!," he turned away from the argument, and started speaking to Luke.  
  
"You'll have to ignore my crazy family," Kathryn apologised to Chakotay.  
  
Chakotay smiled at her, "you haven't met mine yet," he dismissed the apology.  
  
V  
  
End of chapter 12.


	13. 13 unlucky for some

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. Th  
  
V  
  
Chapter 13: The amazing chapter that shall reveal all (or at least I hope)  
  
"Is my desert really that bad?" Gretchen said after Chakotay had declined to take any, and Alex had also turned down the offer saying that he had to be getting home.  
  
Kathryn's mother looked over at Felicity who had again piled her plate, "you're going to get fat if you eat all of that," she criticised.  
  
"Oh please," Felicity started in a matter-of-fact sort of way, "this is nothing to what I eat while I'm staying at the academy."  
  
Another row was brewing between Gretchen and Felicity. Alex got up from the table, "Luke, are you staying or coming with me and Riley?" he asked his son.  
  
"I'm staying, I'll see you later," Luke answered.  
  
Alex nodded, "bye Flic," he said as Felicity gave him a brief wave, after thanking Gretchen for the dinner he moved over to Kathryn. She got up from the table, and they comfortably embraced one another, "see you later," he said.  
  
"Yes, probably Monday, at the academy," she said looking over at Riley who was putting on his shoes.  
  
"I hate Mondays," Alex whined, "all of the cadets are always hung over on Mondays from the weekend."  
  
"You hate everyday of the week," Kathryn was quick to point out.  
  
Alex nodded, "see you around," he said to Chakotay, before quickly saying goodbye to everyone else and letting himself out of the house.  
  
After desert the table broke up, and people began to move into the living room for coffee. Kathryn purposely stayed behind with Chakotay in the kitchen, "want to take these coffees somewhere else?" she asked handing him a mug.  
  
Chakotay nodded, "sure."  
  
The two of them walked up the stairs to the house with their coffees, "where are we going?" Chakotay asked thinking that she was leading him into her bedroom, not that he actually minded.  
  
"You'll see," she said coyly.  
  
Kathryn led him across the landing, and then up another case of stairs. She hadn't led him to her bedroom at all, but to the house's converted attic space. Panels had been removed from the roof to make room for a star light. "I used to come up here when I was young," Kathryn smiled as she put on a small lamp which dimly lit up the dark space, "usually at night when I couldn't get to sleep-"  
  
"Let me guess," Chakotay crossed the bare floorboards joining her on the sofa, "you'd gaze up at the stars, and dream of commanding star ships."  
  
Kathryn smiled, "but of course," they both laughed lightly.  
  
The attic space was a comfortably sized room, although the floor boards were bare there was a thick rug covering the floor in front of the sofa. In the corner of the room was a telescope, directed pointlessly towards the ground, but the lack of dust on it showed that it had either been put there to keep it out of the way and was used from time to time, or that it had been dusted.  
  
They sat awhile longer, enjoying each other's silence. "I suppose you want to know why I suddenly have children?" Kathryn didn't move from her slouched position, but turned her head in Chakotay's direction.  
  
Chakotay shrugged, "only if you're ready to tell me," he said, "if you're not, I'd prefer to wait than have a half truth."  
  
"I never lied to you," she said tiredly.  
  
"You never told me the whole truth either," they weren't just talking about Felicity and Tobias any more, but also about New Earth.  
  
"I know that I once told you that my daughter had been killed," she started, "I wasn't lying then," she sighed, "I thought that she was dead, I only found out that she was still alive when we got messages from home about three years ago."  
  
"Is this going to be one of those things that you can't tell me?" he looked away.  
  
"I hope not." He was relieved a little, that she may be willing to open up to him at last, "but it's going to be one of those things that's going to be hard to explain."  
  
"Well, I don't hear any of your family quarrels," he pointed out, recounting the events in his mind of that evening.  
  
She nodded. "When Tad was small, about two I think, he became very ill. His father, Justin, and I were told that it was a genetic condition; Justin's grandmother had been betazed and unexpectedly Tad began to reject that part of his DNA. The doctors said that they could replace organs and tissue, but once it began to affect his brain then he would be left severely brain damaged, and there was nothing that they could do for him." She paused pinching the bridge of her nose, "they only gave him three, four more years to live."  
  
"But he's still here," Chakotay noted.  
  
"Yes," she took a sip of her coffee, "but only because Justin was a genetic scientist, he spent months trying to find a method of curing his son, and eventually he did. I'm not a doctor, so you'll have to ask Tad the specifics, but he figured out that if he replaced some of the DNA that Tad was rejecting with something that his body would accept, then he should be able to lead a normal life. The DNA, he worked out would work best for Tad, would have to come from a sibling, with the right genetic make up."  
  
"Felicity," he said, working it out by himself, "she's a mutant right?"  
  
"Humm, Felicity was genetically designed using both mine and Justin's DNA. I've always been against genetic manipulation, unless it's for medical purposes, but Justin was strong in the belief that it was perfectly alright. I thought that Justin just genetically altered her so that her DNA would be a compatible match for Tad, and it wasn't until a while after his death that I discovered he had designed Felicity to be genetically perfect."  
  
"Genetically perfect," Chakotay echoed, "what do you mean by that?"  
  
"Justin altered her DNA so that she would have heightened senses, for example if she was blind folded she would be able to tell you exactly which direction a sound came from, how far away it was from her and if it was moving, and when if she's paying attention she can even say at what velocity. She also has a very good memory, and as a result she is fluent in five languages, and is able to recite, to the letter, chapters from books."  
  
"I'm guessing she's a scientist, like her mother," Chakotay smiled.  
  
"I wish," Kathryn laughed, "she doesn't seem to have the patience or tolerance for science. On voyager I was sent school reports from years of her life that I missed, there seem to have been occasions where she has gone out of her way to prove science teachers wrong, on basic rules of science! She's more into piloting, in fact that's the only reason she's still at the academy, they wanted to kick her out months ago, but she's such a promising pilot she's been allowed to stay."  
  
"A pilot," Chakotay said a little to himself, "I always imagined that if you had a daughter she would be a lot like you, a scientist probably-" he broke off, "did you ever find out whether our baby was a boy or a girl?" he asked, sidetracking from their original conversation.  
  
Kathryn looked away briefly, summoning the strength to look Chakotay in the eye, "no," she studied his face, "I didn't do it to hurt you," she tried to explain. "Justin died when I was only three months pregnant with Felicity, and on voyager when I found out I was pregnant with your child I got scared; I'd been the single mother before and I didn't like it, and I didn't want to go through it again. Even if I hadn't altered your memories, or if I returned them to you, I realised that raising a child on voyager would be impossible, even with your help. I was the captain of an entire crew, I couldn't raise a child at the same time."  
  
There was a moment of awkward silence between them until Chakotay chose to speak, "I guess the whole business with Seska didn't exactly help."  
  
"It didn't make my decision," she looked him evenly in the face.  
  
"How about we make a promise to be absolutely honest with one another in the future," he suggested.  
  
She allowed herself to relax a little and nodded. "When Felicity was about a year old I began a relationship with Raphael, he was a mutant himself, and so I didn't think twice about telling him that my daughter was also a mutant. Felicity grew up with Raphael as a father figure, she knew that he wasn't her biological father, but called him 'daddy' anyway."  
  
"I'm guessing that something happened," not noticing it, Chakotay closed the gap between the two on them on the sofa.  
  
"Sort of," she said shaking her head she continued, "I was young, and didn't like the idea of raising two children by my self, and so when he asked me to marry him I said yes. I convinced myself that I loved him, but after a while I realised that I didn't. We stayed together because of the children, but after a year of constant arguing, not speaking to each other, and on my part, two affairs, we divorced."  
  
"How long ago was this?"  
  
"Um, Felicity was almost six, so over thirteen years ago," she answered him.  
  
Chakotay remembered what she had said about a family vacation about the time, "what happened?" his voice concerned.  
  
"I gained custody of the children, as Raphael wasn't their biological father, but thinking that a clean break would be best I told Raphael that he wasn't to see Tad or Flic again. Or course he tried to go against me in court, but it didn't work. I wasn't exactly sure what happened then until three years ago, when we received messages from home, but it turned out that Raphael went to a group of his contacts, and told them that Felicity was a mutant, and that I worked for Starfleet intelligence.  
  
"When I took the children on vacation with me, on the shuttle returning home, Raphael and two other men came onto the shuttle. He thought that they were just going to help him take Felicity and Tobias, but when they came aboard they tried to kill them both. In a panic Raphael knocked out both men, erasing their memories, he left one on the shuttle, and the other one he took with him, back to his own shuttle. Felicity, being small went with Raphael. I thought that the shuttle Felicity had been taken away in had blown up, killing her and one of the terrorists, but it turned out that Raphael covered up his tracks by transporting out at the last minute."  
  
"These men, that tried to kill Felicity and Tobias, wanted them dead because you worked for Starfleet intelligence?" He now had his arm around Kathryn's waist, and she had settled comfortably into his chest.  
  
"Yes, that's why he went to them I think," she relaxed at having told him the long and complicated story that was her past, and her present.  
  
He kissed the top of her head. "So how come Felicity is here now?"  
  
"Tad," she answered simply, but thought a brief explanation would have to be given, "when I went missing in the delta quadrant, he became obsessed that I was still alive. He started searching for people with similar DNA to myself, and that's how he came across Felicity. She was living under a different surname with Raphael on a new colony some distance from here. Charges were never pressed on Raphael, Alex thought that it would be best if people went on with the belief that she was dead. That's why it's important that we find Paul, if he finds out that Tad is still alive, and Felicity especially, he might come after them again." She closed her eyes against Chakotay's chest, lost in the warmth and comfort.  
  
Chakotay realised that she was getting droopy, "how ever much I don't mind you falling asleep in my arms," he chuckled, "I don't think that your mother would like it if I left you sleeping on the couch, and seeing as I don't know where your bedroom is it's looking like that just might happen."  
  
She took her head away from his chest, and traced the line of his jaw with her finger. Tenderly he leant over and kissed her, their lips brushed briefly, but it wasn't enough for either of them. Their lips locked and the kiss became more passionate. It was the first time that they touched since the business had started over three months ago, and it was somewhat relieving for the both of them. Kathryn broke away from him, putting a hand on his chest to prevent him from leaning in to kiss her again.  
  
He was afraid that he had done something wrong, but she smiled at him. "I'm really tired," she explained, "I don't think I'm up for anything tonight."  
  
He nodded, "shall I go?" he placed a hand on her upper arm.  
  
"It's late, you can stay over if you want," she offered.  
  
"Sure, I don't mind sleeping on the couch."  
  
Whispering she said, "we only give the couch to people we don't like," she stood up from where they were sitting, and returning to a quiet but normal volume she added, "you can stay in my room if you like."  
  
He stood up, "are you sure your mother won't mind?"  
  
Smirking she grabbed both his hands, and wrapped them round her waist, he didn't object. "You were perfectly prepared to make love to me on the couch, but now you're worried that my mother might object to you spending the night in my bed."  
  
"Good point," he brushed his lips against hers, "where's your bedroom then?"  
  
V  
  
There's probably things that still don't make sense, but tell me what I haven't explained in this chapter and I'll try and explain it in the next chapter.  
  
Thanks for all those that have reviewed, getting feedback is very important to me.


	14. Made of matchsticks

Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. It does not belong to me, however, the air does not belong to me and I still breathe it.  
  
Yeah that's right, I've borrowed loads of stuff. I now confess everything, the silver pen that wipes people's memories- I got that off 'men in black', the joke: 'cruising for a bruising' yeah, I nicked that off some TV program (can't remember which), 'farm boy' that was probably off the simpsons, but it's so funny.  
  
The word 'Chapter' I borrowed that from the dictionary. I used Microsoft word to write this story. The English language belongs to some dude many thousands of years ago that got very bored. Any spelling mistakes belong to me though. The whole idea of a mutant was probably from the cartoon X-men, that used to be one of my favourites until they killed off J.G (let's not get into that), but the adaptation from the idea came from DS9 and Dr Bashir (I can't spell!).  
  
Anything else? No, I don't think so, but feel free to point out anything that I might have missed off, it may be that something influenced my writing and I haven't spotted it.  
  
V  
  
Warning: this chapter contains the word 'fuckwit', so if you do not wish to read the word 'fuckwit' then I advise that when you see the word 'fuckwit' you close your eyes. Enjoy the chapter.  
  
V  
  
(If the following makes no sense please read the reviews). LOL Raven Sage: new shoes! that was a good one.

And now, the story:  
  
Chapter 14: If the world was made of matchsticks-  
  
(Two months later, I think)  
  
"I can't believe that you talked me into this," said Tad hitting his head on the ceiling again. Keeping his head low he crawled along one of the tunnels which lay around the facility.  
  
"Shut up!" Felicity muttered to Tad who was crawling noisily behind herself.  
  
They turned another corner, and Felicity stopped dead. "What's wrong?" Tad whispered.  
  
"I can feel a breeze," she turned back, "we must be near an air vent."  
  
"Which means what?" Tad had never been good at putting together hints of information.  
  
"Which means were almost there," Felicity crawled a little further down the tunnel. Tad followed hitting his elbows and knees as he crawled.  
  
Moments later Felicity stopped again, she had been right, and was working on how to open up the air vent cover. Finally it came lose and they both clambered out of the small tunnel and into a corridor. Quickly the cover was replaced, and they made their ways down the corridor.  
  
Felicity got out a triquarder, "this way," she said, walking on ahead.  
  
Two security officers walked up the corridor and stopped Tad and Felicity in their tracks. "Excuse me," one of the men said, "this is a restricted area, please state your business here."  
  
Felicity looked round at Tad, and then back at the security officers, "excuse me gentlemen," she gave them each a piercing glare, "who the hell are you? And what are you doing in a restricted area," turning to her brother she said quite loudly, "oh, someone's going to pay for this!"  
  
The security officers faced each other, "we're doing a security check, we've been told to make sure that no unauthorised personal are to be on this level, there's been a security breach."  
  
"I'm well aware that there's been a security breech," Felicity lied, "who gave you this order?"  
  
"General Philips," one of the men stated.  
  
"Could you take me to the general please," Felicity put on a false politeness, and made sure that they knew that it was false.  
  
"And who are you?" the more confident of the two men asked again.  
  
"Agent I'm gonna kick your arse if don't take me to the general now, and this is agent he's gonna kick your arse as well. Are you getting an idea?"  
  
The two security officers exchanged a brief glance, "you're agents?" one asked.  
  
"We're also getting pissed off, what are your names, I think the general would be quite interested to know who shouldn't be promoted at the end of this month."  
  
Finally the officers gave in, and led them down the corridor. They stopped outside a door. "Thank you," Felicity smiled dryly at them, "you may go," she instructed.  
  
Exchanging a final look, they left Tad and Felicity by the door. "They could have shot you," Tad whispered once they had gone.  
  
"But they didn't," Felicity was quick to point out. She pressed a button by the side of the door, "come in," said a voice from inside.  
  
Tad and Felicity entered the office. A small and skinny man sat behind a desk, he looked up at them both, "who the hell are you?" he asked.  
  
"We're the security breach," Felicity explained, before lifting a phaser and knocking the man out.  
  
"How do you know that's the right one?" Tad asked, walking over to where the man had collapsed in his chair.  
  
"That's why you're here," Felicity said, handing him a triquarder, "I need you to tell me if his DNA matches the DNA of Paul that's on record."  
  
Tad took the triquarder and examined the man in front of him. After a few seconds he confirmed "yeah this is the fuckwit," handing the triquarder back to his sister. "How are you planning on getting him out of here?"  
  
"Oh please," she said, "the only reason that I haven't been kicked out of the academy already is because I'm incredible resourceful, do you really think that I came here without a plan?"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
From a back pocket Felicity removed a silver pen-like object, Tad glared at her, "you're not planning on using that are you?"  
  
"I'll set it up to temporarily wipe his memory, he'll get it back after a few days. Revive him," she instructed Tad.  
  
Lifting a hyprospray to Paul's neck he revived him, but before he could say anything, there was a red flash and he was in a hypnotic state. "Your name is General Philips, you're a really nice guy," Felicity began to tell him, "all you want to do is get out of this building, this is agent Sutton," she pointed to Tad, "and I am agent Crompton, you will take us with you."  
  
Paul blinked, "Agents," he said to both of them, "let's get out of here."  
  
Tad rolled his eyes as the man who had moments ago been quite capable of ordering both of them killed, got up from his desk and made his way towards the door.  
  
V  
  
Kathryn sat in her office going through report after report. That morning she had already attended three briefings, and she was trying to prepare herself for another two. To intensify matters she had just had a call from Alex saying that Paul had walked into Starfleet intelligence quite willingly that morning with Felicity and Tad. So now she would have to go through those reports, and probably have to attend interrogations until the end of the month.  
  
There was a knock at the door, without looking up from her padd she said "come in."  
  
"Hey," she looked up and smiled at hearing Chakotay's voice, he was carrying a bouquet of flowers, and was dressed in civilian clothes.  
  
She got up from her seat at the desk and walked over to greet him. Holding the bouquet in one hand he put his free arm around her waist and brushed his lips against hers. "I brought you some flowers," he said pulling away.  
  
Grinning she took the flowers from him, and went to the replicator to replicate a vase. "Thank you, they're wonderful," she said, "what's the occasion?"  
  
"Do I have to have a reason to bring you flowers?" he said sitting down on her large leather chair, swivelling it round to face her direction, "I decided to be spontaneous."  
  
She smiled, "I like spontaneous. But I do have a lot of work to get through."  
  
"You can spare an hour for lunch."  
  
"I'm sorry," she moved towards where he was sitting, "I've got to attend a briefing in half an hour."  
  
Kathryn sat down on Chakotay's lap, and put an arm across his shoulders. "When did you last eat?" he enquired. She muttered something inaudible, "so not for ages," he guessed.  
  
She nodded, "I was planning on getting a quick bite to eat before the briefing," she defended her eating patterns, something she very rarely found herself doing with any one other than Chakotay.  
  
"Half an hour," he echoed before kissing her neck, "that's ages," he dismissed, and proceeded to undo her jacket.  
  
Laughing she put a hand on his, "not in my office."  
  
Chakotay dropped his hand and rested it on her thigh, "dinner?" he tried again.  
  
She sighed, "I'm having dinner with Felicity and Tad tonight, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you came," she ran her fingers through his hair.  
  
"Okay," he said, "if you're sure that they won't mind."  
  
She shock her head. "I've got something that I wanted to talk to you about before then," Kathryn got up from his lap, and walked over to a coffee table by a Starfleet issue couch. She picked up a pad that lay on the top and walked back over to him with it. Reading it to make sure that it was the right one, she handed it over the desk to him.  
  
"What is it?" he asked, looking briefly at the heading.  
  
"It's a decision that I have to make," she explained, perching herself on the end of her desk. "I didn't want to leave you out of this decision."  
  
Reading a little further, "I don't understand," he looked up.  
  
"When I found out I was pregnant with your child on Voyager, I couldn't bring myself to destroy our child, so I had the embryo put into status. The doctor contacted me a couple of days ago through this letter, saying that if the embryo is not re-implanted within the next four months then it will die."  
  
Chakotay crossed his arms, placing the padd on the desk. "What do you want me to do about it?" his voice a little harsher than he had meant it to sound, but he was still very touchy about the topic of New Earth and what five minutes ago he thought had been an abortion.  
  
"So you don't care what happens?" Kathryn's tone on the edge of an argument.  
  
He shrugged tiredly, "you've made all of the decisions about our relationship so far Kathryn, why should this one be any different?" he didn't mean it to sound the way it came out, but there was some truth behind the words, and they both realised it.  
  
"You mean suppressing your memories?" she said bitterly, "oh yeah, I really enjoyed that decision." She walked away from the desk and over to the window, where she looked out at the city below.  
  
She heard him get up and move over to her. He slipped his arms around her middle, and looked at the people moving busily along the streets below them. "We'd make terrible parents any way," she resigned, "I'm always busy with work."  
  
"I'm not," he interrupted.  
  
"We constantly argue."  
  
"And always make up."  
  
"Look at the mess I made with my last two children."  
  
"A doctor that qualified a year early, and a cadet who's already one of Starfleet's greatest pilots. What a disappointment," he joked softly.  
  
"I can't cook."  
  
"You're learning."  
  
"You don't know the first thing about raising children."  
  
"You do. I can learn. And besides, I've been the commander to one of the most difficult captains in Starfleet, and helped to bring a crew of 147 home from the delta quadrant in seven years. How hard can a child be?"

V

End of story.


End file.
